the back door

so i had a major breakdown this week. i just couldn't turn the tears off. it all started when the car door slammed shut on my eye. OUCH!!! so for whatever reason that started a flood of tears that just would not stop. that was monday....tuesday i cried a lot more in the morning. ugh...i'm not usually so emotional. so this morning i was journaling. i started asking myself how i got to this point. it was just about a year ago when i was so pumped about life. God was really speaking to me clearly and i was obeying and i was excited for what the year would bring. about november some things started to unravel. the year was then a series of events that just wiped me out. it took a lot of emotion out of me to go through some of the trials. i am glad i had them - don't get me wrong. they have definitely taught me a lot. at about trial 3, my dad said it best when he said, "men will disappoint you and hurt you, but God will not." wow...that helps put some th

so we are almost to the end of the month. for my little house that means daddy has been home for a long time now! so i confess that the first week was really quite rough. i sure didn't like him sitting at my computer, in my space, playing his music, while i tried to keep the kiddos quiet. i hated that while we used to have lunch together we now ate in shifts. while he ate i attempted to get my work done. boy, i was quite the grouch! since then i think we have found our groove. i think he still likes being here and i like him being here now too. it just took some time. now, if he has another one of those weeks where he is on the computer 40 hours a week - we are getting a laptop!!!!

can i just say this pretty much sums up my day. can you see the crumbs. and let's see the stack of school papers. and oh yes the shirt on the table. i mean why would we be wearing our shirt? the funny thing is about 10 minutes before this picture was taken my table was spotless! it has just been one of those days....

last night i was home alone. i don't really like that and had forgotten to pick up a movie. while i could have chosed between strawberry shortcake or tom and jerry i decided to flip through the tv . closing ceremonies were on, but didn't seem to intrigue me. so i kept flipping. it must have been a clear night because i could get abc . extreme home makeover was on and decided this would be just the thing. i got cozy on the couch and in the first 10 minutes was crying. now, i rarely cry at tv . really. and while i'm sure this was a rerun, i was moved by this family of 6. they moved their young family into the middle of the roughest neighborhood. gun shots every night. i can't imagine. but this pastor had slept in his car one night and realized how broken people were. he realized he wanted to make a difference. their house was run down and housing several people off the street. his wife made food to feed tons of people. over time the community was chang

so princess has been asking for a princess curtain for her bed. i finally decided to get it done....we surprised her with it after school today. hubby had quite the battle with the rod, but he won and it is quite cute!! hopefully she won't find it bothersome at bedtime tonight! a few of you may notice chubs in the corner. that's a post for another day, but isn't he still cute. i sure do miss him!

as you know, we have had quite the nature filled summer at our house. bats, spiders, snakes, moles...oh the fun!! yesterday i had a conversation with dear friend. her oldest son found a lost hurt kitten. he brought it home and named it tiz. the kids were of course all excited and it is a very cute kitten. well the same son was mowing the yard and found a little baby bunny. he took it in and realized it wasn't eating so he set it free to live with his bunny family. the hope was for it to survive in nature like it was supposed to. well, i'm not sure how much time passed, but tiz the kitten caught the baby bunny and had quite the feast. apparently the son found the feast in action and seemed a little upset by setting it free to live only to be eaten by the kitten. dear friends comment was that she was glad we aren't animals that need to eat other animals. eat them raw and fur and insides and all... for whatever reason that conversation played in my mind most of the d

so like i was saying linked to this new site grosgrain . i went to check it out and found the cutest dress!!! i love simple lines and classic material. this is what i always dreamed i'd make for princess, but after one easter dress have never tried again. check it out...she is giving this dress away...she does that frequently!!!

we had quite the hoedown yesterday as princess celebrated her 6th birthday! she is really into cowgirls and wild west right now. yes, she is still into princesses, but she really wanted a white pony and cowgirl boots! our trip out west has definitely made an impact on her. she also wanted to go bowling. she has only been asking us for about 9 months now to go. so we invited 2 of her friends and headed to our local bowling alley. everyone dressed in their best cowgirl/boy attire. mapboy picked out a western style shirt (it had dinosaurs on it) and wore his vest, boots, and hat. princess wore her boot scootin shirt, hat, and borrowed brothers other boots. they were way cute! after bowling we headed back to the house to meet the grandparent and have cake and ice cream. it was a great day. i was thinking about her tiny beginnings. all 4 lbs and 15 oz. of her. she was 5 weeks early. they told me she might not cry because of her lungs not being ready, but that the ultrasound looked good. wel

so while the 2 kids slept peacefully in princess's bedroom last night hubby sat down at the computer. he was quicky interupted by the bat soaring through the room. he grabbed the tennis raquet and followed it and our barking dog up the stairs. according to him, it swooped all around and he tried his best to attack it but missed. he was banging on walls and swinging a raquet and the dog was barking, and the kids slept peacefully in the next room. hmm... so, the bat is in hiding in mapboy's bedroom. or atleast we think so. our project today is to tear his room apart looking for it. mapboy let me know he is ready to sleep in his bed again!

..there's a bat in mapboy's room!!!!!! yes, i said that at about 11:45 last night. i HATE BATS!! i don't think i could emphasize that enough. but our dog hopped out of bed last night and ran into mapboy's room. mapboy was sitting up getting a drink. then he, oscar the dog, ran into princess's room. i was starting to get a little weirded out. our dog hears things i don't. he came back to bed and i was awake for a while. i thought i heard some strange sounds, but couldn't put my finger on it. i knew our windows were open so i kept thinking it was princess's door moving in the wind. then i heard the frantic cries of mapboy, "MOM!!!! there's a bat in my room!" so i yell back that dad is coming. i woke hubby up. now, while i was actually quite scared i had to laugh at the dress shirt and amish hat hubby put on. he stood in the hallway pondering the event. we told mapboy to pull the covers over his head and stay put. princess was

the first day of school contemplating 2nd grade striking the kindergarten pose it was a great first day!! mapboy thinks it is a long morning. they don't have morning recess! and princess said her best part was recess too! they both had a great time and came home excited to go back tomorrow! we'll see if they feel that way in the morning.

this morning i woke up bright and early. okay, for most of you this time is normal, but today i was back up at 6:45. i got my shower and then got the kiddos up. they got up, but mapboy quickly was a little, should i say, bothered, by not being able to watch tv or go play. but they ate their breakfast. well, half. and ran to play. at 9:30, they were starved. i calmly explained, "sorry, tomorrow your teacher won't care that you are hungry. tomorrow eat all your breakfast." yes....we head back to school tomorrow. mapboy got his hair cut. the supplies are in their desks and they practiced eating from their lunch bags today. and tonight, they will once again go to bed early and once again get up early. i think they are ready. in honor of daddy not having a "job" and being home with us and the last day of school we went mini-golfing and had ice cream. it was a wonderful afternoon. and well now....the life of order returns. and for me - i have a coffee d

last week princess and i were in the car. i have been preparing our kids for school to start by random math facts, reading, and other things. princess was chatting away in the back reading all of the billboards. out of the blue we had the following conversation. princess, "mom, i can spell wine. w i n e." me, "no honey, it is spelled w h i n e." i'm thinking she is innocent. princess, "no, the kind you drink, w i n e." me, "oh...well, we probably shouldn't talk about that." princess, "okay, i can spell beer too, b e e r." me, "ummmm...well, yes, ummm....where did you learn those?" princess, "he he he...." i'm hoping she happened to see a billboard. i'm also hoping this isn't how she decides to impress her kindergarten teacher on wednesday!

we headed off with princess this weekend to a wedding in ohio. it wasn't actually planned to take her, but we had a great time with her. the wedding was beautiful and worth the trip. i'm sure princess would say the pool was worth her trip. for me, the icing on the cake was a stop by my alma mater, cedarville. i had not been back since it gained university status. i had not been back since christmas of 98. as we approached the small little town, memories flooded my mind. there were so many great ones. in fact, as we were standing by the old chuck's my mom asked me if i would do it all over again and i quickly said, "oh yeah!" no offense hubby, i want to marry you all over again, too!! anyways...as i stepped out of the car and felt that familiar weird cedarville wind, i was reminded of sneaking back in late to willetts. my roomie and i had the perfect room for that! i saw the old house i lived in my senior year. the dumpster was still in the same spot -

it has been an interesting week around here. definitely different and i'm starting to get some things figured out. i am sure the kids are enjoying having mom spending a little more time with them than usual! not that i didn't before but well, i'm trying to keep them more quiet which involves me sitting down with them more. anyways - this week princess got to spend a day with grandma. she does this with every grandchild. mapboy had a turn a few weeks ago. but just like normal the one left behind feels that they need to do something special too. that frustrates me and makes me feel like a parent that has spoiled them greatly. life isn't always about being fair - it isn't always about being made to feel special. i'll get back to that one. so....God must have heard the pleas of mapboy because about 5 minutes before we were heading out the door to drive around doing errands, dear friend called and asked us to swim. he was pumped, i was pumped and we had a g

so today was the first of our new lifestyle. it went okay. hubby got a lot of work done. i cleaned house but couldn't vacuum until tonight. i worked at trying to keep the kids quiet and in one side of the house. with the exception of the storm and a few fights they did okay. the kids and i spent the afternoon running errands. they did pretty good. the last 1/2 hour was rough and of course coming home is always the end of all of our ropes. for whatever reason, the moment we get out of the car they both start in. one needs a drink, one is starved, one said something to the other, one wants to watch something....i just want to unload the car and get stuff put away. but hey....i guess that is really the norm. hubby did take the kids with him to a project tonight. they were gone for just over and hour and it was heaven here. i checked email, took a long walk, vacuumed, and started a magazine. then the door opened and the wants and needs started. i think i've created he

those are some of my favorite words from the Bible. i love that phrase - it is simple, but packed with so much meaning. it is the phrase that brings me into relationship with Jesus. well, today we are using that phrase in our little house. yes, it is finished. hubby just left for the last time to head to the office. the only job i've ever known him to have is finished. the way of our days are finished. and just like the Scripture, this is a simple phrase, but it is packed with so much meaning. it means obedience to the One that first said it. it means walking in faith, just like He calls us to. it means sacrificing certaintity (well kind of) for the unknown. it means a different way of life for us. if you read in John, right before Jesus says "it is finished" he says "I am thirsty." now, we know that he is offered some vinegar to drink. i often wonder if thirsty had a deeper meaning than that. but what i think is cool is that the thirst is satisfied enough for H

i wish i had a picture, but i think we only took one and you can find it at hubby's blog. anyways - we had christmas in july this week at holiday world. my parents take the whole clan to this great park. we camp and enjoy the family time while living it up in holiday world - complete with a real santa!!! this is our 3rd trip there and it gets better every year. it might have something to do with the ages of my kids each time, but this year was way fun! mapboy and i rode a few slides with his cousin. princess opted for the wave pool with daddy. we did the kiddy rides in the amusement side and filled 3 rafts on the waging waters ride. ' the second day, princess wanted to return to the wave pool and mapboy wanted to brave the bigger slides. so mapboy headed off with the cousins and princess and i did the wave pool, again. mapboy had a great time!! he did the big kid slides and princess and i had a great time together, just the two of us. so....we are all tired and recupin

yesterday we signed up for school. i took the kiddos in and filled out paperwork, signed up to help, and chatted with the beloved principal. there were some changes to be made. it didn't take very long....and in a few short days off they will go on the big yellow bus. so last night i definitely had my lowest mommy moment. as i sat up praying and trying to sort out everything i was struck - well, i should say God told me - to stop wishing on them. huh?? well, i love them, really i do, but as a full time mommy i often wish them to grandmas, or wish them to a different room than under my feet, or wish them to school. i took out the albums i lovingly put together. as i flipped through i saw them grow before my eyes. it happens so fast. one day mapboy was this tiny little thing with a knick on his nose, the next he was a chunky, and i mean chunky, baby! he rolled super fast because crawling meant dragging his belly around. then he was a cute toddler that talked and talked and