the back door

there have been some great disappointments lately in my little neck of the woods, but i'd like to take some time to acknowledge those "ugly beautiful" tid bits for which i can offer words of praise this thanksgiving.... ...bottles upon bottles of medicine for it helps my son breathe ...piles of laundry for my family has clothes ...dusty floors and furniture for it shows progress on our dining room remodel ...tears for it shows i still feel ...a serving of humble pie for it is a way to receive and demonstrate God's grace ...for trials that draw me to the feet of Jesus and make me fully dependent on Him ...a cluttered kitchen for it fills us ...rainy days for it reminds me that God's love rains down on us ...gloomy, cloudy days that force me to hunt for glimmers of light ...noise from the backseats that bring me to my knees often ...hurt because it reveals my need for healing ...empty coffee cups for the comfort that warmed my soul is lasting how about you - what gl...

this past week has been really hard. i feel like i've come to a wall, or more like i've been put in a room with all walls and no doors or windows. the dizzyness is overwhelming, the back and neck pain is intense, the emotions are everywhere. mostly i feel like i've come to the end. everything i've tried to get better works for a little while and then stops. the resources are dry. my will is waivering. there is new meaning to the verse, "help my unbelief!" after a rather sleepless night due to pain that wouldn't relent, this morning was rough. i practiced some "ugly beautiful" when i listed off gratitude for tears of pain that reveal i still feel emotions, daylight to drive my kids to school in so that the drive wasn't nearly as dizzyfying, another day to bear, etc. as i neared home the song "times" by tenth avenue north came on. this portion touched me deep in my soul. i hear you say "my love is over, its underneath...