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like a turtle

do you have those times when you wish you could just retreat and hide? you know - like a turtle pulls himself into his shell. yep, that is exactly where i am. sitting inside my shell thinking of how different i wish i everything had gone.

i have had a lack of trust in something. and with that came a whole set of struggles that i was starting to cope with. i was learning to how to deal internally with that. then i spoke. yuck!! i believe there is a verse in the Bible about being quick to listen and slow to speak. i guess God is still working on teaching me that, although i think i have learned my lesson this time. slow to speak is most definitely the way i am to go! in the past 36 hours i'd love to erase many of my words, but the damage is done.

i love, okay - well honestly i hate, that it is in the midst of yuckiness God refines me. it is the yuckiness i don't like, but it seems that is how i best learn. sitting inside my shell, retreating. i once was a strong willed, opinionated, confident girl. over the course of the year i have found that i remained opinionated, but lost the confidence. as far as my strong will, i'm undecided as to whether or not that remains.

i'm hoping that when i leave the shell this time, God has refined me. that i will no longer be strong willed or opinionated. as far as confidence, i pray that it will be different sort of confidence.

for many reasons this time of retreat makes me mostly sad. it means the loss of somethings and relationships that i hold so close to my heart and already miss. it also means saying good-bye to parts of me that i thought were good, but obviously are not.

but in the end, God is good. and i pray that God will find good in me and that it will remain. i pray that God will heal those around and that His goodness will remain there.

but, here i sit for now, like a turtle......

Comments

Anonymous said…
Praying for you friend in whatever situation it is...I'm here if you need me..love ya! Tricia
February 18, 2009 at 7:05 PM
TWitmer said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
February 18, 2009 at 7:07 PM
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