i often tell people i have a bit of an identity crisis. i'm a little bit rock and roll, a little bit country, part earthy, part hippy, part vintage, part classy, part big city, part blue-grass....i kind of like it all. but lately i've felt a bit of a twinge to figure out who i am in Christ. now, i know i'm redeemed, loved, cherished, bought, set apart. what i really want to know is what God is calling me to. you see i am starting to believe i had gotten a bit too comfortable living this christian life. i think God might be wanting to make me a bit uncomfortable, or really, just step out to be who He created ME to be.
so, with all of that rumbling through my head i took a walk one day. it is a good sort of feeling you know, not one with dread and doom, just a little conversation that gets me all giddy inside (if you have ever been around me personally you know that i get giddy and squeal in a high pitched voice and do a little happy dance!). so i was out walking and mentioned to God that it sure would be nice to hear Him a bit better. you know, a little more clearer. in a not so still voice i heard the loudest ever "turn off the noise!" umm..."okay, God. you want me to tell my children to be silent?" silence. i guess He isn't a big fan of my sarcasm:) so after asking nicely what He meant i heard another not so still voice tell me to turn off the music. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? i have music going ALL THE TIME! but i heard it and decided this was a time for me to choose obedience.
last week i had little radio on and none if i was alone. i had told NOONE at first. i did finally confess to a friend because i was going a bit insane in my lonely office. i didn't tell the kids. i had decided that i would keep the music off when i was alone, but if the family wanted it on they could turn it on. after all, i hadn't told them i was doing this crazy thing. the first morning i headed with the kids into school. it took 3 minutes (yes i timed it!) for the kids to ask if something was broken with the radio. i said no, son turns it on. i drop princess off at school and force myself to turn the radio off. do you know how hard that was!?!?! let me tell you i struggled. i spent the rest of the day avoiding the radio. still wasn't exactly sure how this was going to impact me at all other than drive me the short distance to insanity.
it took 5 minutes after school for the kids to ask.
day 2 it took them 10 minutes
day 3 they never asked in the car
day 4 they never asked in the car or at home
day 5 they never asked in the car, but princess did at home
me: day 2, it was easier to turn it off after they were out of the car
day 3, i never even thought about it and i spent some sweet time praying in the car
day 4, i couldn't wait to be in silence
day 5, i was starting to hear God's prompting a bit more clear
today, one week later? well, let's just say, i turned it off after princess got out of the car. i have been home all morning and yet to turn the radio on. here's what i observed:
we chatted a bit nicer to each other in the car
we actually chatted in the car
our voices were all a bit lower at home (instead of being heard over the radio)
i spent a ton more time in prayer
i learned to appreciate quietness and something i couldn't quite put my finger on until this morning, when i read this:
He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul. Psalm 62:2 and 6 from the Message
there it is - breathing room for my soul.
i'm about to begin on another crazy experiment, one that will challenge me like crazy. but i can honestly say i'm excited because i believe it will also bring breathing room for my soul.
what about you? what noise is in your life? do you need some breathing room for the soul? the entire week, without the music on this is what i was singing
When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus
so, with all of that rumbling through my head i took a walk one day. it is a good sort of feeling you know, not one with dread and doom, just a little conversation that gets me all giddy inside (if you have ever been around me personally you know that i get giddy and squeal in a high pitched voice and do a little happy dance!). so i was out walking and mentioned to God that it sure would be nice to hear Him a bit better. you know, a little more clearer. in a not so still voice i heard the loudest ever "turn off the noise!" umm..."okay, God. you want me to tell my children to be silent?" silence. i guess He isn't a big fan of my sarcasm:) so after asking nicely what He meant i heard another not so still voice tell me to turn off the music. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? i have music going ALL THE TIME! but i heard it and decided this was a time for me to choose obedience.
last week i had little radio on and none if i was alone. i had told NOONE at first. i did finally confess to a friend because i was going a bit insane in my lonely office. i didn't tell the kids. i had decided that i would keep the music off when i was alone, but if the family wanted it on they could turn it on. after all, i hadn't told them i was doing this crazy thing. the first morning i headed with the kids into school. it took 3 minutes (yes i timed it!) for the kids to ask if something was broken with the radio. i said no, son turns it on. i drop princess off at school and force myself to turn the radio off. do you know how hard that was!?!?! let me tell you i struggled. i spent the rest of the day avoiding the radio. still wasn't exactly sure how this was going to impact me at all other than drive me the short distance to insanity.
it took 5 minutes after school for the kids to ask.
day 2 it took them 10 minutes
day 3 they never asked in the car
day 4 they never asked in the car or at home
day 5 they never asked in the car, but princess did at home
me: day 2, it was easier to turn it off after they were out of the car
day 3, i never even thought about it and i spent some sweet time praying in the car
day 4, i couldn't wait to be in silence
day 5, i was starting to hear God's prompting a bit more clear
today, one week later? well, let's just say, i turned it off after princess got out of the car. i have been home all morning and yet to turn the radio on. here's what i observed:
we chatted a bit nicer to each other in the car
we actually chatted in the car
our voices were all a bit lower at home (instead of being heard over the radio)
i spent a ton more time in prayer
i learned to appreciate quietness and something i couldn't quite put my finger on until this morning, when i read this:
He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul. Psalm 62:2 and 6 from the Message
there it is - breathing room for my soul.
i'm about to begin on another crazy experiment, one that will challenge me like crazy. but i can honestly say i'm excited because i believe it will also bring breathing room for my soul.
what about you? what noise is in your life? do you need some breathing room for the soul? the entire week, without the music on this is what i was singing
When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus
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