the past few months have been full of change and transition. i'm not gonna lie, it's been hard, yet somehow peaceful. after 13 years in ministry at the same church and 20 years as part of that church, stepping back and leaving felt overwhelming and daunting. there was a great deal of sadness and loss. for the kids i taught, for the team i worked with, for the friends i met, and for my own kids who only knew one church home.
over the past two months i've done a little contemplation and a whole of lot of asking why. but as God always does, He reveals His answers in the most simply beautiful ways. and the past two weeks have been full of His revelation.
back in college i learned a whole slew of cheesy bible verse songs. they drove me batty back then, but the truth is, they are the first to come to mind as i seek the Lord. this seeking was no different as one verse was playing through my mind over and over. its in proverbs and honestly, i don't know the exact wording of the verse but the song goes like this: the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delighteth in His ways. Though he fall, though he fall, he shall not be kept down for the Lord upholdeth Him with his hand. (Bonus points if you can guess the denomination of my college!).
i've often focused on the terms "good man" and how to be a good man so that i will be in the Lords plan. but the last few weeks i've shifted that focus to "he delighteth in His ways." you see, i already am a good man. not because of anything i've done, just simply because Jesus died for me. and because of that i needed to delight in the path i find myself currently on because it was ordered by the Lord and His promise is that i will not be kept down. that simple little shift in perspective broke a wall in my heart.
and the path i'm currently on may be winding and rocky but stunning.
over the past several years i have struggled. felt isolated and not allowed to not be okay. i was guarded. and lonely. i felt like the core of who i am was wrong, yet i couldn't figure out why who i am was wrong. i've been taught that you go to church to find community. you get involved in bible studies and group events. you find your closest friends there. those are your people. you find community in church.
so as i mentally prepared to transition out of ministry i felt even lonelier. my community was going to be gone.
yet, God was moving. my steps were being ordered.
over the course of the past 6 months or so people came into my life from the most random of places. and each one saw into my heart and loved me right there. each and every one let me know it was okay to not be okay. they let me know that life is messy. and together we waded into the messiness. i found myself sitting at tables with amazing old friends and amazing new friends. each table became something meaningful. those friends cheered me on through the job hunt. and those friends cheered with me when i landed in a job that is beyond my wildest dreams. and cheering those friends on makes my heart so full.
the past couple of weeks God has been so busy wrecking my heart in the most beautiful of ways. and as i sat around a table this weekend i had this thought that busted the wall in my heart :
we seek community at church. but the reality is when we seek community, we find Church.
and that has been beyond beautiful.
God has so clearly given me Church. yes, we have found a church home. yes, i've allowed my heart to open to the hope of church. but most importantly i have learned my church isn't about the 4 walls and all that happens out of or because of that building. Church is my community of those who love Jesus and even a few that aren't so sure about that yet. of old friends that know the exact thing to text me. of people i serve alongside of at speech meets. of people i sit with in the school gym. of people i sit around the community table with. of people that come together to help others. of people who stop by to just say hi. of people that share their hearts, wounded or healed, over ice cream and coffee. of teens that give me hugs and need a word of encouragement spoken into them. of little ones that need their pancakes cut up and a piece of my french toast. of little ones that come running to me because they know i love them. of dear friends sitting at a table discussing dreams for their future. of adults that understand the unique needs of my own teens and take the time to talk with them and encourage them.
my steps are ordered by the Lord, even if i am a mess. i can delight in His ways. i have a community church. i don't have to be okay anymore. i can honestly say i know that i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
most importantly i pray that people find community in me. the tag line for the neighborhood center is "we are the heart of the neighborhood." when people walk through those doors i hope they know that is okay to not be okay. that the road is bumpy but survivable. and that community rallies around each other.
that Hope can be found.
we had a full and busy weekend, but my heart is even more full. and i know it is because of my
God given community.
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