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bedtime.....argh...

so i worked so hard at training my kids to sleep as babies. i could basically just put them in bed and say good night. several nights i would sing one song to them just because i liked too. mapboy has this special song i have sung every night. and princess likes to pick different songs a lot. so it had always been - a song a quick prayer and good night...

somewhere along the road things has spiraled out of control. as a way of trying to instill some cuddle time i've tried to read with the kids before bed. i miss that from their early years. now they both prefer to just read on their own. princess brought a library book home that was the night before christmas. wanting to be the good momma, after picking up and having a snack we sat on the couch to read together....but oh no, princess was wriggling all around, mapboy was flinging a pillow around and squaking....i just couldn't take it. so i gave them a long lecture about how they need to show respect when someone is reading to them or talking to them or just spending time with them.

so then we head upstairs....and of course the craziness continues. mapboy won't stop chattering, princess won't sit still while i sing and pray...then of course we need something different every 2 minutes.

i so want bedtime to be a happy time again - not just getting the kids in bed, but quietly singing and quietly talking about our day.

i can't stand the nights when i get so frustrated that i yell at them to sit still. or the nights when my prayers seem really insincere as they wriggle all around or talk. it is a downward spiral in our house. and one that breaks my heart in many ways. breaks my heart because it reveals my parenting flaws. breaks my heart because it reveals the heart of my children - which is a parenting flaw as well. breaks my heart because it reveals my selfish nature.

bedtime - it just breaks my heart!

Comments

Daisy Path said…
i'm still in the midst of cuddling with a song and a prayer, but there are nights when i'm so frustrated by bedtime...then i start to feel so bad. one night...when peanut was on her nebulizer...i literally was scolding peanut in between lines of "jesus loves me". wow!
December 17, 2008 at 9:36 PM
Kori said…
Sounds like a similar season in our house. One night I told the kids because of their disrespect that now bedtime would consist of brushing their teeth, going potty and getting in bed and me turning off the light. When I closed their door, I would stand outside and pray for them. I knew this wouldn't be a long term thing. After a week, they were begging me to go back to our old routine and now we have very few problems. I will pray for you my friend! And...I don't think their behavior is a reflection of your parenting. I think it is a reflection of their sin nature! Be encouraged...you are an amazing mom!
December 18, 2008 at 8:48 AM
the pastor's wife said…
such is the life of a parent. don't guilt yourself so badly. kids are born selfish and sinful! it's not your job at ages 6 and 8 to have that worked out of them. it's a journey. just like the journey you are on. how many adults do you know that still act like little kids!! i agree with kori. it's not a reflection of your parenting. you're a great mom. hang in there!
December 18, 2008 at 3:26 PM
Holly Tried It said…
Wow! Have you considered that you might be being WAY TOO HARD on yourself? Kids have a mind of their own. They make choices. Just like we do. And then there are consequences. Just like in our lives.

My least favorite time is teeth brushing. It drives me insane!
December 24, 2008 at 9:09 AM
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