the back door

we took a family field trip to a farm. one of our 20x's works here....they just had some baby pigs and they were super cute! i have ALWAYS wanted pigs!! mapboy the pig whisperer princess in action. she ran these pigs along the fence for a good 15 minutes. we joked that we should hire her out to help the farmer produce lean hog!

for quite some time there have been certain desires growing in my heart. it seems like i've been kind of wandering around looking for something. a searching and a yearning for something. the past few months have been non-stop! just a lot of craziness. and some has been purely because of my selfishness. do you have those times when you know you need to do something or stop doing something, but you keep thinking it won't matter? there were a lot of things bothering me, but most importantly was an unrest deep in my soul. i knew the unrest was there, and i've even expressed it to a few friends over the past few months. for me, i honestly kept waiting for the big revelation, but i think i was starting to see small glimpses into the unrest. i love to read blogs. even of people i will most likely never meet. one blog challenged me to read the bible in 90 days. hmm..that sounds interesting. so i gathered a few willing spirits to join me. funny, although all 3 of us are at different...

they say bananas are supposed to be good for you, but well, i have a texture issue so i don't eat bananas! in fact mashing them up makes me gag. but my kids and hubby like bananas so i buy them often. i had noticed the last 2 from the recent bundle were getting a little brown. it had been awhile since we have had this problem. so i started thinking about turning them into something. of course this means mashing the bananas. while talking with dear friend tonight about her overcoming her issues with cottage cheese texture, i decided i too was old enough to overcome my texture issues. thankfully, i like the flavor. i remembered that another amazing friend had brought me a yummy cookie when i was in the hospital after having jack. i remembered having made them back when my two were little. i dug out the recipe box, pulled out the recipe and whipped up a batch of banana chocolate chip cookies. and boy are they yummy!!!

those of you who know me know that night time is not by best time! in fact, i'd sleep 20 of the 24 hours if i could! and i do not like being woken up!! for the past 2-3 months, mapboy has been up nightly. sometimes 2-3 times a night. each time he calls me in to tell me he has had a bad dream. well, i pray with him and usually he goes back to sleep, me too... but lately, that hasn't been working. he gets himself all worked into a tizzy and cries and calls for me. i'm really tired and have been sick with something for the past 3-4 weeks. it is wearing on me. last thursday i had had it. i mean, come on child! there is nothing in your room other than the mess you make each day. i was frustrated and told him he would not be spending the next night at grandma's. well of course that made him more mad, but i turned on his music and lamp and left the room. when i got back to bed, God convicted me that my child was scared for some reason and i needed to have a little more compass...

so mapboy gets off the bus and says... "mom, i spent the whole lunch recess chasing people." "oh really," i say. "why?" "well they were stealing from our grocery store." oh boy i think? my son is playing grocery store at recess?????? "so why were you chasing them?" i ask sheepishly "well, they were stealing our food so i was on stealer patrol!" hmm...atleast he was the cop! don't you love his 2 front teeth!!!! i love this kid:)

i told dear friend last week over coffee that i was tired of tragedy. it seems as if i continue to find myself facing tragedy with those that are dear to me. it has varied in form, but in all, it is pure tragedy. i've spent some time with one friend last week. she was definitely grieving, as she should be. i told her i wanted to tell her that it would all be okay, that she will one day smile again, that her best friend was now with Jesus, that there was nothing she could have done, that i believe God is sovereign. and while all of those things are true, how do you say it and not sound uncaring? her reality stinks right now. sure, she believes those things to be true, but it isn't much when you go to make a phone call only to realize she won't answer - ever again. in light of all of this and having read crazy love i keep thinking about my last days. not in a morbid kind of way...but in a life worth living kind of way. hubby started showing some nooma videos in our 20x clas...

last spring i was feeling quite drained....i am on staff part time at my church and while i absolutely love what i do, i had hit a low...i just couldn't do anymore! about that same time, i stumbled onto flowerdust . on this incredible site, i was able to put words to what i felt. i ordered the book and dug right into it and boy was it amazing. it helped to shed a light on why i even felt like i did and how to stop the burnout. i put the advice to practice and it actually worked... ...well, until recently, that is. and while i think the advice is still very much true and would help still, i once again find myself back in that hole. having coffee with dear friend today was great, but i found myself talking about church - a topic i said i would totally avoid. it appears i can't. it has consumed my very being. that last statement....that is the clincher. as i drove home i was mad. i hate talking about church - i hate that i talk about it the way i do. i hate that i feel about it t...

so while for most of you this past weekend was just a 3 day weekend, for us in p-town it was blueberry time! yes, folks, our small little town becomes home to nearly half a million people that wander around looking at crafts, eating turkey legs and elephant ears, and catching up with long lost friends; that is if you are at a place where you aren't moving in a giant herd of people. in my youth, i spent every possible moment there, in my teen years i spent time working at each and every fundraising booth you could imagine. in my married life, well, i go as little as possible. usually once with friends or my sister to look at crafts and once with the family to eat some homemade blueberry ice cream from the local dairy farmers. of course, we gather for homemade ice cream and watch the amazing fireworks, but we are lucky enough to do that in the comfort of my parents home! this year however, i spent a few more hours wandering the crowded streets. a friend was heading up the blue ...

...i like the office ...people really do buy the things i think will never sell ...i don't get a lot of people ...according to dear friend, latte's without flavor taste like nothing but warm milk, which is funny because she doesn't like warm milk...oh now i get it, she didn't really like it - and for those of you in p-town, donuts have half the calories of muffins (for future reference) ...why is it i couldn't wait to hear my kids call me mom and now there are days i can't wait to not hear "MOM!!!!!" ...i love my hubby ...said hubby painted our kitchen and dining room this week ...i like my new kitchen ...there is too much sadness and tragedy in this world ...my dog likes to be stinky ...my kiddos crack me up sometimes ...mapboy needs a new name, not a real one, just in bloggy world - which ironically, last weekend we caught up cousins natalie and jeff and we laughed when although we new all about each others kids we couldn't recall their real na...

so a few weeks ago we were watching dr. oz. i know, i know...but it is on in the evenings here and i'd rather watch that than murder mysteries when i need some vege time... anyways...he was answering questions and one girl had written in that he had changed her life with the neti pot. oh yes...i remember this thing. in fact, i think that kori might have bought one too. well, with a sinus something or other setting in i was getting annoyed. with high blood pressure and being the statistical lucky one, i rarely take over the counter cold/sinus meds. but today i remember the neti pot! needing to do some grocery shopping i had intended to stop at wal-greens. i love that place - so much quicker than wal-mart! anyways....i head on over to the drug aisle to pick up more triaminic cold for the kiddos and decide to search for the neti pot...it was $5 off....well, i think i'll give it a try... i pulled it all out and set it on the counter. first i thought if i rubbed it and wished r...