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what if...

i told dear friend last week over coffee that i was tired of tragedy. it seems as if i continue to find myself facing tragedy with those that are dear to me. it has varied in form, but in all, it is pure tragedy.

i've spent some time with one friend last week. she was definitely grieving, as she should be. i told her i wanted to tell her that it would all be okay, that she will one day smile again, that her best friend was now with Jesus, that there was nothing she could have done, that i believe God is sovereign. and while all of those things are true, how do you say it and not sound uncaring? her reality stinks right now. sure, she believes those things to be true, but it isn't much when you go to make a phone call only to realize she won't answer - ever again.

in light of all of this and having read crazy love i keep thinking about my last days. not in a morbid kind of way...but in a life worth living kind of way. hubby started showing some nooma videos in our 20x class. last week he just grabbed one out of the bag and took it with him. no preview of it. today was the title. as we started watching it i was immedietly drawn in. it talked of people who live in the past. people who are always wanting to go back and live a time of life over again. hmm...sometimes i say i'd do life all over again - but i'd want it to go the same way. i loved my life, all of it, and it has made me who i am. i definitely want to end up with my hubby.

bell also talked of people needing to live in the moment. live in the today. this really struck me....this is something i don't think i do well. he challenged parents to instead of holding on to our kids to be fully present in each day and allow them to grow. ouch....while i don't wish my kids away, do i really live in the moment with them?

then, this song kept going through my head...what if today was my last day? what would i do? what would i say? last night i was in bed thinking about the fact that i kind of laugh off my high blood pressure and high cholestoral...but i don't think i should. i think i should take that very seriously. i think i should enjoy each and every moment with my hubby and kids. i think i should seek to honor God with my entire being. honestly, i got a little scared.
i think i'd live my life a little differently. i think i should. i think i'll try

Comments

keepin' it real..... said…
please do...I like having you around!
September 15, 2009 at 6:37 AM
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