the past several weeks have found me pondering quite a few deep issues. i tend to go through phases like that. but saturday morning i found myself in long sleeves and jeans knee deep in pasture grass all alone picking rasberries.
it has been a rare treat this summer to find myself alone. i spent some time thinking through some of my recent ponderings. ironically, while picking the berries God opened up more than i think i wanted to hear!
you see, this past couple of weeks i've come face to face with some issues from my past. while they aren't really big issues they were ones that stir up some buried hurt. i'd been processing them and trying to move on yet again. during this time i had some conversations with a few people. one person was sharing how for them it was just easier to "forgive" the person who hurt them, but then to walk away from the friendship as a way of avoiding anymore hurt. while i completely understand that, i can't help but think that while that person may not be hurt - are there others that are hurt by that decision? are they missing out on something sweet?
the other person was sharing with me how she could understand, but knew i wouldn't walk away - because she didn't see me as a quitter. i did say that i didn't see myself walking away either, that i just needed to sort the pain out and let it go again. weird, how often we have to face painful things.
so then...i was standing in the pasture picking those berries when i kept getting cut by the thorns on the branches. those thorns clung to my shirt, pants, and left cuts all over my hands. i know that after the first couple of snags the thought crossed my mind to turn around and head back to the house, but then i looked at those berries and well, i wanted them. i know how yummy they are, that my boy loves them, and that in the midst of the pain of those thorns i'd return again and again to have those sweet berries. basically they were worth the pain and cuts. and frankly, people would have been disappointed had i walked away.
so back to my whole facing pain thing....isn't the reality of life the same way? our sermon series this summer has been on subtle sins. i talked with our pastor briefly this week about his sermon on irritabilty and anger. he asked me if i thought it was mostly true that we blame our anger on others? i laughed and said that my son sure does and then followed that up with, sadly, yes that is how we function.
picking those berries through the thorns got me thinking about that first conversation.....you see, i know there have been times when my anger - and holding on to it - has hurt innocent people in the process. i've been in those shoes. so as i pondered that, i realized that times in my life where i've been angry might have caused pain and frustration to others. i wish i could change that. i am pretty sure my family has felt the brunt of anger that had nothing to do with them. do they deserve that?
our family loaded up for a day of fun....well, it might have been the worst and longest day of fun. i mean, again, an innocent statement was taken wrong and then anger and frustration set in so then being selfish - that desire to hold on to the anger made the entire family suffer. gee, i wish i had truly learned the lesson there at that rasberry bush! the whole ride home i kept looking at my cuts on my hands. you know, being in a family and having friendships hurts sometimes. those relationships will cut at our hearts and leave their scars but isn't there something sweet about family and friends that makes the scars worth it? how could anyone just walk away from that - just because it might hurt? i sat in the car next to my husband and prayed that he would never decide i had cut him too deep that he would walk away. then i stopped and i thanked God because it struck me how many times i've cut Him and hurt Him, deeply. yet, He NEVER let's go. he NEVER walks away. he ALWAYS comes back to embrace me with all my faults and failures.
and for that i'm thankful and praying for God to keep working on this wounded heart of mine to make it a heart after his.....
264. a forgiving Father
265. thorns on raspberry bushes
266. the sweetness after the thorns
267. a family to be a part of
268. amazing and forgiving friends
it has been a rare treat this summer to find myself alone. i spent some time thinking through some of my recent ponderings. ironically, while picking the berries God opened up more than i think i wanted to hear!
you see, this past couple of weeks i've come face to face with some issues from my past. while they aren't really big issues they were ones that stir up some buried hurt. i'd been processing them and trying to move on yet again. during this time i had some conversations with a few people. one person was sharing how for them it was just easier to "forgive" the person who hurt them, but then to walk away from the friendship as a way of avoiding anymore hurt. while i completely understand that, i can't help but think that while that person may not be hurt - are there others that are hurt by that decision? are they missing out on something sweet?
the other person was sharing with me how she could understand, but knew i wouldn't walk away - because she didn't see me as a quitter. i did say that i didn't see myself walking away either, that i just needed to sort the pain out and let it go again. weird, how often we have to face painful things.
so then...i was standing in the pasture picking those berries when i kept getting cut by the thorns on the branches. those thorns clung to my shirt, pants, and left cuts all over my hands. i know that after the first couple of snags the thought crossed my mind to turn around and head back to the house, but then i looked at those berries and well, i wanted them. i know how yummy they are, that my boy loves them, and that in the midst of the pain of those thorns i'd return again and again to have those sweet berries. basically they were worth the pain and cuts. and frankly, people would have been disappointed had i walked away.
so back to my whole facing pain thing....isn't the reality of life the same way? our sermon series this summer has been on subtle sins. i talked with our pastor briefly this week about his sermon on irritabilty and anger. he asked me if i thought it was mostly true that we blame our anger on others? i laughed and said that my son sure does and then followed that up with, sadly, yes that is how we function.
picking those berries through the thorns got me thinking about that first conversation.....you see, i know there have been times when my anger - and holding on to it - has hurt innocent people in the process. i've been in those shoes. so as i pondered that, i realized that times in my life where i've been angry might have caused pain and frustration to others. i wish i could change that. i am pretty sure my family has felt the brunt of anger that had nothing to do with them. do they deserve that?
our family loaded up for a day of fun....well, it might have been the worst and longest day of fun. i mean, again, an innocent statement was taken wrong and then anger and frustration set in so then being selfish - that desire to hold on to the anger made the entire family suffer. gee, i wish i had truly learned the lesson there at that rasberry bush! the whole ride home i kept looking at my cuts on my hands. you know, being in a family and having friendships hurts sometimes. those relationships will cut at our hearts and leave their scars but isn't there something sweet about family and friends that makes the scars worth it? how could anyone just walk away from that - just because it might hurt? i sat in the car next to my husband and prayed that he would never decide i had cut him too deep that he would walk away. then i stopped and i thanked God because it struck me how many times i've cut Him and hurt Him, deeply. yet, He NEVER let's go. he NEVER walks away. he ALWAYS comes back to embrace me with all my faults and failures.
and for that i'm thankful and praying for God to keep working on this wounded heart of mine to make it a heart after his.....
264. a forgiving Father
265. thorns on raspberry bushes
266. the sweetness after the thorns
267. a family to be a part of
268. amazing and forgiving friends
Comments
reasons why:
1. you keep a running list of things your are greatful for and sign off your blog with them. they make my heart smile.
2. your intense vulnerability.
3. your insane honesty :D
4. your passion for this life Jesus has give you.
5. your sincere commitment and love for our Lord.
6. I also like that you live on a farm and do farm like country things. I can't wait to be back in Indiana.
maybe sometime when i come back you can invite me over and let me take some pictures of you and your family on your lovely farm :)