the back door

at the end of 2008 i started noticing this thing called a word for the year. several blogs i follow were picking a word to focus on in 2009. the idea intrigued me. as we are moving into 2010, i'm finding myself reflecting on one word - so i'm claiming it. it will be my word of the year: CHANGE for many of us that is a scary word. we like things to stay the same. i use to thrive on constant change, then i despised it, now i welcome it. and yes, i typed my first paper on a maching similar to this one! so why change? and why for 2010? well, simple, our little life is clearly changing. sometime in the first 2 months of 2010 i will move to a farm! that is crazy.....crazy, folks! i mean crazy! but i can't wait. i'm so excited for this change in my life and the change it means for my little family. change also comes in my working world. hopefully, a new pastor will be arriving shortly after 2010 begins. i trust that will bring change as well. a good change. o...

well, okay, not really! this christmas has been a bit different around here. never mind buying a house and having the inspections on ours delayed causing a bit of concern to edge it's way in, christmas is supposed to be traditional. well this year some traditions made it - others did not. for starters...one tradition to stay - sickness. oh yes, we are often plagued with sickness in this house for the holidays and this year was no exception. i was down for the count for a week with a bad chest cold. i recovered 2 days for my family christmas and then had that nasty roto-virus flu bug. it was not pleasant. due to being out of commission my family had to suffer through christmas without our cut-out cookie making. then came the phone call that hubby's mom wanted to postpone christmas day. hmm...she must be really sick to postpone it. but with that getting pushed back we found ourselves home all day on christmas. then came the ice, and although i'm sure we would have be...

while i know not everyone will agree with our choices, they are the ones we have made for our family....YES, we do santa here in our little family. now, my kids fully understand the reason we celebrate christmas and talk about Jesus all the time. in fact, when a toddler, mapboy had quite the fascination with hiding baby Jesus all over our house and lining the remaining nativity figures up in line to bow down. it was comical... ...but i've digressed...back to santa. several years ago - like about 6, we were driving home from indy on christmas eve. my mom was with us and i was sharing with hubby how i always thought the blinking red lights in the sky were rudolph and that my siblings played along (we always drove home from grandmas on christmas eve). for some reason hubby found it hysterical that i believed that. however, he got to talking with my mom and concocted a plan that involved melting tootsie rolls just a tad and then dropping pieces of them all over our porch roof. ...

...in with the old? yep.....so a few months ago, okay like 5 i posted this picture of our kitchen. and then it looked like this. i love it!! and while this is just what i dreamed... ....i'm really liking this one so yes, friends, it is going to be out with the new and in with the old!!!!!!

so after sitting on my counter for what seemed ike an eternity, i finally broke my kitchen aid mixer in this afternoon! it was such a treat! i was a nervous wreck though. you know, when you build up all this anticipation and then fear that you are going to break it or something... but, it was amazing to work with. princess helped me make a batch of cookies to store for the holidays. i made this same batch in october and was so frustrated with the mixing process - this time - it was beautiful! princess had one complaint though. while she found it quite entertaining to watch, she was very sad that it didn't have beaters to lick. in fact, she asked me if i would stick the old beaters in the batter so she could lick...umm no, those are going bye-bye! so in honor of the kitchen aid, i though i'd share a favorite cookie recipe around here. more of a fall cookie than christmas, but i still take it to all holiday functions! pumpkin chip cookies 1 1/2 c. butter 2 c. brown sugar 1 c. sug...

there are those moments when you feel like God is smiling down upon you. i have had several of those times. there was the time spent in the swiss alps, the day i married my hubby, the day my kids were born. recently, it seems like i've had a few more smiles from God. smiles that i believe are meant just for me. meant to touch my soul. ...the smile of dreams coming true. well, i'm still waiting for this to really happen, but we are watching it unfold in a way only God could do. ...the smile in simple celebrations. ...the smile in playing "guess which ornament" with our kiddos ...the smile of new beginnings ...the smile of new friendships - ones i believe i've been praying for ...the smile in old friends that get me, really get me - or atleast pretend to! i feel so blessed. God really does enjoy us. i believe He enjoys watching us enjoy Him....and He really does have our best in His heart. and when God smiles down on you - say thanks and enjoy!

if you follow my blog, you will have noticed i have seasons where i get unsettled. i have a longing - one that is often hidden deep inside and rarely shared with anyone. i like it kept quietly tucked in my heart and mind. but lately this desire keeps rising to the surface. the desire to slow down, to be present, to be quiet. last week hubby brought the nooma noise dvd for 20x class. we had not previewed it - but boy was it good. there was a bit of noise and talking and then silence. silence for about 7-8 minutes while we read words written in write text on a black screen. simple, pure, silent, penetrating... the past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind around here. we went from being settled here at home to buying a farm outside of town. this is one of those times when i feel like God is totally smiling down on us...and in the midst of this whirl fell thanksgiving. i tried to reflect on this past year. boy has it been good...just a good year, it just seemed like the reflecting was done while...

guess what's coming???? i'm super duper excited.... yep...i ordered meself a mixer! a kitchen aid one to be exact!! i'm not one for black friday shopping, but while at the in -laws i noticed a good deal on the basic kitchen aid mixer at sears today. it was marked down to $149. good deal right? atleast, please tell me it is. so i decided i'd make the early morning treck. this sale only lasted until 11 am and ti would be alteast a 50 minute drive there. but then i started looking through kohl's ads....they had the same mixer priced at $199. but this then had an additional 15% off, plus $30 back in kohl's cash. well the 15% alone dropped the price comparable to sears. plus we have $50 kohl's gift card i could use....and I could get all the deals on line today! now, the only bad part is i'm not coming home with it and have to wait on shipping - which was free today if i ordered over $100. so for $100 i got my kitchen aid mixer.....can you hear me sing...

last week i was driving home from somewhere when this song came on. i love this song. it just makes me happy. i start to smile and be-bop in no time! of course that isn't hard for me. music is what feeds my soul... but i started thinking...what would i do if i had a million dollars? what would i buy? i'm actually a pretty simple girl. it doesn't take much to make me happy. a $5 vintage ring thrilled me for my 10 year anniversary! see? simple. sure, there are those mornings i wish i could just go buy new clothes, but for the most part, i'm content. however, i did have a few thoughts i'd share with you. ... a kitchen-aid mixer would definitely make that list. especially after yet another insane moment recently shared with my friend the hand mixer. i told hubby this was going to be the year without christmas cookies. he said "okay" but i don't think he heard me right. he loves christmas cookies! then there are these....i LOVE scarves. ...

....just in case you didn't already know that about me!! this weekend we let our 20x's in on a little family tradition - the charlie brown thanksgiving. i believe i blogged about that last year...so look in my november 08 archives. wow, archives sounds so cool and official, yet it really isn't. hmm.. okay, so anyways, my issues. well, we had them over for dinner and the main course of popcorn, while although a hit, provided many leftover opportunities. i thought about popcorn soup, but that didn't sound too good. i couldn't think of the right kind of veggie to add. then there is popcorn casserole. tempting, yet, still not quite right. i fed some scraps to the dog and sent some in the kiddos lunch bags. but still, an entire roasting pan of popcorn left me puzzled. bag and freeze? pocorn pot pie? ah....caramel corn!! ooey gooey, warm homemade caramel popcorn.... so this afternoon, i made some caramel corn for after school....OH MY WORD!! i love this re...

monday evening i was loading the dishwasher (still a bittersweet thing, but i do love it!), hubby was upstairs, mapboy was on the computer and princess was reading. all of a sudden princess let out a very loud scream. i turned to see her perched on the back of our couch. now, i immedietly see myself 5 years old screaming from the back of our green couch because i had just seen a mouse. and since we have recently caught 3 ourselves, i was a bit freaked out. but being the mommy now, i have to be a big girl. so i go in, fully expecting to see a mouse. instead, i am met with a handful of slobbery air head and "i just cracked my new tooth!!!!" oh she surely didn't do that.... i have her open up, new tooth is still intact, but the air heads have magically wiggled the sliver of baby tooth left behind the new tooth. now, this tooth has slowly been disappearing for about 2 years. yes, truly disappearing. much to my delight and her panic, it was finally coming out. ther...

so, i've blogged about trying to simplify our life. well, that has me attempting to create a bit of a haven here at home. i wouldn't say i'm doing it all that well, but i'm trying to make a few small changes here and there. one of those changes has been a return to baking! i love to bake - always have, but due to health issues i've cut back. but i've been researching healthier recipes so i'm trying to bake in a healthy way. last week i made pumpkin oatmeal cookies with cinnamon chips. they were yummy!! very yummy!! but i only used 1/2 of my giant can of pumpkin. working on being frugal as well, and not wasteful, i covered the can and stuck it in the fridge. well, today i knew i needed to use that pumpkin up. it was a rare day for me. a lazy morning, a wonderful time of coffee with a friend, and an afternoon home alone. i cranked up the country - i tend to enjoy sassy country music and like to sing and dance along with it! it seemed like the perfect day to tr...

so i'm not a big fan of halloween. i know, i'm the party pooper, but i honestly could skip the whole day!! i love fall and harvest and pumpkins and all that stuff...just not the spooky things that come along with it. but hubby loves halloween and he has worked hard to pass that love on down to our kiddos. so one sunday after church (i usually get home a bit later then my family) i walked in to find him and princess making a halloween tree. she worked hard at decorating it. hubby was giddy with the whole process and princess was letting her creative side show. she asked for orange lights...and i guess while hubby was out working he made a stop for some orange lights to add the finishing touch. this tree has been with us for the month...and now i'm thinking of turning it into a gratitude tree...because, well, i actually have grown quite fond of it! here is reggie wayne and hannah montana (well, kind of). each year i make the kids find their own costumes without pur...

so it isn't the best picture....but i'm in love with this guy! actually, princess took the camera and personally posed us for this picture. it was quite cute. but, back to the guy in the picture. isn't he cute? this past saturday we celebrated 11 years of marriage. we had taken our annual getaway the weekend before so it was a rather quiet day. we had a wedding later that afternoon. i have to say that as i sat and watched the couple exchange their vows, i got a bit misty eyed. not just for the couple, but because i so vividly remember ours. hubby wowed me with his. and i know that 11 years later he still means them and has lived them. i kinda joked with hubby that sine we didn't dance at our wedding, he owed me one at this one. he does not like to dance. so while i was on the dance floor with a friend and her kids the dj announced he was slowing things down. he then said this song was dedicated to us in honor of our anniversary. i was so excited and ran to get him. i d...

tuesday afternoon was beautiful. the rain had finally stopped. there was hint of sunshine and was sweatshirt only weather. a wonderful fall day! so hubby mentioned going to see the birds. now, i have to say that 2 years ago hubby wanted to go to this nature park and watch sandhill cranes come in to eat for his birthday. because it was his birthday i gave in. but this is not something i would find enjoyable at all. ironically, it was pretty amazing. so when he mentioned it tuesday night we were all game. especially when the kids knew we'd be grabbing dinner on the road. while there each kid had a turn with the camera...and princess has quite an eye. isn't this a great photo? but i really wanted to brag a little on this boy. the young one that is......he is every bit a puzzle to me and i'm learning to embrace the challenge of discovering all the different pieces. he is all about sports these days, but still loves geography. he currently has a couple of classmates ...

we are all so excited for a few days of REAL fall!!!!! isn't she cute? i have a few good shots of my kiddos and thought i'd take a minute to brag on them...today i'll start with princess. she is beautiful and full of her own sense of style. as you can tell from the 2 toned red shirts to the pink and white fun hair ties. she is finally growing a front tooth! this girl is full of life and definitely enjoys it. she reads constantly. it is fun to watch her read. if there is a picture, she always stops to study it. then, when she gets to a funny part she laughs out loud. when she reads out loud it is with full drama...such a joy! she is doing well in school. definitely excelling in academics and loving the social life. in fact last night she threw herself on her bed and declared she didn't fit in because we don't have the same tv shows as her friends. oh brother....but she has made lots of friends this year. princess recently cheered at our high school f...

aren't we cute?!!?! i love this guy...and this is our favorite restaurant in this favorite getaway town....we celebrated hubby's birthday and our 11th anniversary this past weekend. ALONE!!! we took a new route this time....if you zoom in you can see the sign. seriously, the slurp and burp??? and one of my readers should know exactly where this is.............

my apologies to the few of you that i have kept waiting for so long... dear friend has been bugging me to blog. i think it might be because i was on her case...regardless, here goes.... image has been blurred to protect identity....and has no meaning to this blog whatsoever! ...i'm cold! it is crazy cold on the home front. i'm bundled up and dug out my slippers. i've added the flannel sheets and have even dug out my hat. i realize i really need some new slippers and never did knit the hat to match my scarf. maybe i'll start tonight. ...we had popcorn earlier this week. it was yummy, but i popped in great abundance. so tonight i melted my white chocolate and added some craisins and peanuts to the popcorn and stirred it all together. super yummy and half the popcorn gone. ...hubby has a birthday this weekend. he is such and incredible husband, daddy, and man. i love him deeply and look forward to celebrating his life. ...we are approaching 11 years of amazing...

i've been a bit absent...but i've had lots of blog posts floating in my head. here is a sneak peek into my last 10 days... pondering ......gratitude, giving, simplicity, health, Jesus, marriage, friendships, the beauty of fall reading .... Sex God by Rob Bell (sorry can't find underline), the rest of genesis, boxcar children, and many many blogs dreaming ....of our anniversary trip, a simple life, happy children, pumpkin desserts doing ...knitting, cleaning, cooking, working, dreaming, enjoying, hunting for pumpkin remembering ...little house on the prairie, childhood, blessings hopefully within the next few days you will find a few posts from some of the many things listed above

we took a family field trip to a farm. one of our 20x's works here....they just had some baby pigs and they were super cute! i have ALWAYS wanted pigs!! mapboy the pig whisperer princess in action. she ran these pigs along the fence for a good 15 minutes. we joked that we should hire her out to help the farmer produce lean hog!

for quite some time there have been certain desires growing in my heart. it seems like i've been kind of wandering around looking for something. a searching and a yearning for something. the past few months have been non-stop! just a lot of craziness. and some has been purely because of my selfishness. do you have those times when you know you need to do something or stop doing something, but you keep thinking it won't matter? there were a lot of things bothering me, but most importantly was an unrest deep in my soul. i knew the unrest was there, and i've even expressed it to a few friends over the past few months. for me, i honestly kept waiting for the big revelation, but i think i was starting to see small glimpses into the unrest. i love to read blogs. even of people i will most likely never meet. one blog challenged me to read the bible in 90 days. hmm..that sounds interesting. so i gathered a few willing spirits to join me. funny, although all 3 of us are at different...

they say bananas are supposed to be good for you, but well, i have a texture issue so i don't eat bananas! in fact mashing them up makes me gag. but my kids and hubby like bananas so i buy them often. i had noticed the last 2 from the recent bundle were getting a little brown. it had been awhile since we have had this problem. so i started thinking about turning them into something. of course this means mashing the bananas. while talking with dear friend tonight about her overcoming her issues with cottage cheese texture, i decided i too was old enough to overcome my texture issues. thankfully, i like the flavor. i remembered that another amazing friend had brought me a yummy cookie when i was in the hospital after having jack. i remembered having made them back when my two were little. i dug out the recipe box, pulled out the recipe and whipped up a batch of banana chocolate chip cookies. and boy are they yummy!!!

those of you who know me know that night time is not by best time! in fact, i'd sleep 20 of the 24 hours if i could! and i do not like being woken up!! for the past 2-3 months, mapboy has been up nightly. sometimes 2-3 times a night. each time he calls me in to tell me he has had a bad dream. well, i pray with him and usually he goes back to sleep, me too... but lately, that hasn't been working. he gets himself all worked into a tizzy and cries and calls for me. i'm really tired and have been sick with something for the past 3-4 weeks. it is wearing on me. last thursday i had had it. i mean, come on child! there is nothing in your room other than the mess you make each day. i was frustrated and told him he would not be spending the next night at grandma's. well of course that made him more mad, but i turned on his music and lamp and left the room. when i got back to bed, God convicted me that my child was scared for some reason and i needed to have a little more compass...

so mapboy gets off the bus and says... "mom, i spent the whole lunch recess chasing people." "oh really," i say. "why?" "well they were stealing from our grocery store." oh boy i think? my son is playing grocery store at recess?????? "so why were you chasing them?" i ask sheepishly "well, they were stealing our food so i was on stealer patrol!" hmm...atleast he was the cop! don't you love his 2 front teeth!!!! i love this kid:)

i told dear friend last week over coffee that i was tired of tragedy. it seems as if i continue to find myself facing tragedy with those that are dear to me. it has varied in form, but in all, it is pure tragedy. i've spent some time with one friend last week. she was definitely grieving, as she should be. i told her i wanted to tell her that it would all be okay, that she will one day smile again, that her best friend was now with Jesus, that there was nothing she could have done, that i believe God is sovereign. and while all of those things are true, how do you say it and not sound uncaring? her reality stinks right now. sure, she believes those things to be true, but it isn't much when you go to make a phone call only to realize she won't answer - ever again. in light of all of this and having read crazy love i keep thinking about my last days. not in a morbid kind of way...but in a life worth living kind of way. hubby started showing some nooma videos in our 20x clas...

last spring i was feeling quite drained....i am on staff part time at my church and while i absolutely love what i do, i had hit a low...i just couldn't do anymore! about that same time, i stumbled onto flowerdust . on this incredible site, i was able to put words to what i felt. i ordered the book and dug right into it and boy was it amazing. it helped to shed a light on why i even felt like i did and how to stop the burnout. i put the advice to practice and it actually worked... ...well, until recently, that is. and while i think the advice is still very much true and would help still, i once again find myself back in that hole. having coffee with dear friend today was great, but i found myself talking about church - a topic i said i would totally avoid. it appears i can't. it has consumed my very being. that last statement....that is the clincher. as i drove home i was mad. i hate talking about church - i hate that i talk about it the way i do. i hate that i feel about it t...

so while for most of you this past weekend was just a 3 day weekend, for us in p-town it was blueberry time! yes, folks, our small little town becomes home to nearly half a million people that wander around looking at crafts, eating turkey legs and elephant ears, and catching up with long lost friends; that is if you are at a place where you aren't moving in a giant herd of people. in my youth, i spent every possible moment there, in my teen years i spent time working at each and every fundraising booth you could imagine. in my married life, well, i go as little as possible. usually once with friends or my sister to look at crafts and once with the family to eat some homemade blueberry ice cream from the local dairy farmers. of course, we gather for homemade ice cream and watch the amazing fireworks, but we are lucky enough to do that in the comfort of my parents home! this year however, i spent a few more hours wandering the crowded streets. a friend was heading up the blue ...

...i like the office ...people really do buy the things i think will never sell ...i don't get a lot of people ...according to dear friend, latte's without flavor taste like nothing but warm milk, which is funny because she doesn't like warm milk...oh now i get it, she didn't really like it - and for those of you in p-town, donuts have half the calories of muffins (for future reference) ...why is it i couldn't wait to hear my kids call me mom and now there are days i can't wait to not hear "MOM!!!!!" ...i love my hubby ...said hubby painted our kitchen and dining room this week ...i like my new kitchen ...there is too much sadness and tragedy in this world ...my dog likes to be stinky ...my kiddos crack me up sometimes ...mapboy needs a new name, not a real one, just in bloggy world - which ironically, last weekend we caught up cousins natalie and jeff and we laughed when although we new all about each others kids we couldn't recall their real na...

so a few weeks ago we were watching dr. oz. i know, i know...but it is on in the evenings here and i'd rather watch that than murder mysteries when i need some vege time... anyways...he was answering questions and one girl had written in that he had changed her life with the neti pot. oh yes...i remember this thing. in fact, i think that kori might have bought one too. well, with a sinus something or other setting in i was getting annoyed. with high blood pressure and being the statistical lucky one, i rarely take over the counter cold/sinus meds. but today i remember the neti pot! needing to do some grocery shopping i had intended to stop at wal-greens. i love that place - so much quicker than wal-mart! anyways....i head on over to the drug aisle to pick up more triaminic cold for the kiddos and decide to search for the neti pot...it was $5 off....well, i think i'll give it a try... i pulled it all out and set it on the counter. first i thought if i rubbed it and wished r...

so today i broke down and decided to take mapboy to the doctor. our's has the day off, but our other friend is always willing to see us as well. knowing i was now paranoid about both rabies and swine, he ordered a series of tests resulting in a blood draw, throat swab, and nose swab. poor little guy. i treated him to a slushy.. then we headed to the doctor....there, our wonderful doc laughed as he thought about all the "fun" i've been having lately. it seems like one giant non-stop adventure. i think he could tell, i'd had enough of this fun...so after diagnosing my son with tonsellitis and prescribing meds + ice cream he looked at me and prescribed a getaway.... ...ahh....doesn't that look nice!! i love vacationing at the beach. fly me to a beach and let me sit for 48 hours. just reading and watching the waves. this is soooo me........we have visited a few beaches on our excursions, but most of our trips are inland. hubby claims he'd be bored at a...

okay, now, in our house we try hard to live in harmony with nature. we feed our birds - and feed them well i might add. we seem to also feed our squirrels to their hearts content. we plant trees and grow gardens. we even allow a few weed type plants to grow as a way of drawing hummingbirds and butteflies. we let our garden rest a year...like i said, we try to live in harmony with nature. but this past few weeks has once again brought the wrath of nature upon us. last sunday, as we were preparing to leave for our kids baptisms, a tree fell. thankfully, it was only part of the tree, a rather large part, but amazingly fell on absolutely nothing or noone. it honestly couldn't have fallen in any better spot, but still, it fell. this has resulted in us making the contact to cut the entire thing down. then last week this little guy made an appearance. we were aware of one possibly using our basement as his supermarket of choice, but when we lost power due to the storm it must ...