the back door

many of you have already seen the pictures of our "new" dining room. if not, check my hubby's blog out at hoosier happenings . it is really quite amazing and well, makes me giddy happy. but this post is really about finding a new home for this this clock hung in my grandpa and grandma's kitchen, then in the apartment, and then in their nursing home room. this summer my grandma died and we had to clean out their room. my cousin brought some items for us cousins to sort through. we found pins, bookmarks, and charms that were easy to divide up (in some rather unique ways i might add!), but there was only 1 clock and 13 of us grandkids. as we all stood there no one seemed overly eager to take it, but i sure wasn't going to give it up. the cousins remembered it from their farmhouse (prior to my arrival) and since i'm the only one with a farmhouse today the clock was sent home with me. i was delighted. i brought it home and set it on the table. it isn't...

there have been some great disappointments lately in my little neck of the woods, but i'd like to take some time to acknowledge those "ugly beautiful" tid bits for which i can offer words of praise this thanksgiving.... ...bottles upon bottles of medicine for it helps my son breathe ...piles of laundry for my family has clothes ...dusty floors and furniture for it shows progress on our dining room remodel ...tears for it shows i still feel ...a serving of humble pie for it is a way to receive and demonstrate God's grace ...for trials that draw me to the feet of Jesus and make me fully dependent on Him ...a cluttered kitchen for it fills us ...rainy days for it reminds me that God's love rains down on us ...gloomy, cloudy days that force me to hunt for glimmers of light ...noise from the backseats that bring me to my knees often ...hurt because it reveals my need for healing ...empty coffee cups for the comfort that warmed my soul is lasting how about you - what gl...

this past week has been really hard. i feel like i've come to a wall, or more like i've been put in a room with all walls and no doors or windows. the dizzyness is overwhelming, the back and neck pain is intense, the emotions are everywhere. mostly i feel like i've come to the end. everything i've tried to get better works for a little while and then stops. the resources are dry. my will is waivering. there is new meaning to the verse, "help my unbelief!" after a rather sleepless night due to pain that wouldn't relent, this morning was rough. i practiced some "ugly beautiful" when i listed off gratitude for tears of pain that reveal i still feel emotions, daylight to drive my kids to school in so that the drive wasn't nearly as dizzyfying, another day to bear, etc. as i neared home the song "times" by tenth avenue north came on. this portion touched me deep in my soul. i hear you say "my love is over, its underneath...

in honor of 13 years together i thought i'd share 13 gifts my hubby has given me... 1. gift of friendship 2. gift of love 3. gift of forgiveness 4. gift of motherhood 5. gift of order 6. an appreciation for almost all things old 7. gift of laughter 8. gift of culture 9. gift of comfort 10. gift of wisdom 11. gift of humility 12. gift of passion 13. his heart

...of our indian summer! hubby has been busy fixing up the chicken coop and painting all of our doors (anyone wanna guess what color they are now?). that resulted in a rather large burn pile. knowing that today was the last day of sunshine, warmth and low winds he mentioned we needed to set it a fire. chicken boy (the nickname my son would like to be known as on this here blog) asked if we could roast some hot dogs. sure, why not? do we need to always eat a healthy dinner? so, i loaded up a tray with hot dogs, chips, bread, pickles, peaches, ketchup and mustard and headed out of doors for dinner by the fire. i love this girl....i mean seriously, how can you resist that big grin! and these boys - so glad they are mine! the big fire had burned down, so we had to build a bit of new one to roast by. here is our fine dining experience....amazing huh? they tell me these are the memories they remember and i'm so glad we can make them together. and this one...just because i absol...

in the pain....there is healing in Your name...i find meaning so i'm holding on...........

just sharing a few of my favorites.....

you can do anything for 2 weeks, right???? well that is what they tell me anyways...so this thursday will mark 2 weeks of being processed sugar free!! woo hoo!? let me back up a bit...i've been battling something for almost 10 months now. last november i was diagnosed with a "random virus" and was told it would run it's course. well, it has continued to run its course and i've been down ever since with dizzyness, soreness, and general feeling yuck. at first it drove me to insanity...then it lead me to anxiety...then i just decided to ignore it then i'd start that cycle all over again. so about 10 days ago i went to see this iridoligist...it was a different experience. but i was sure he'd tell me what was wrong because it surely wasn't still a virus. but alas, he said it is still a virus. he gave me some herbal anti something to take, thryoid herb to take, and then a couple of immune boosters. but the biggy was taking me off processed sugar!! ...

last fall i heard about a program called blessings in a backpack . a dear friend had gotten it started out in wyoming. it intrigued me. i pondered it. i got info on it. i told a dear friend here in town. gave her the info. we pondered. we were intrigued. we sat on it. this summer during our love week, we committed to it! so what is it you ask? it is simple really....do you realize how many kids are on free and reduced lunch at schools? in our kids' elementary alone there are well over 50% (i don't know the number but i know it is WELL over that 50 mark!). most of these kids enjoy their breakfast and lunch and go home to find empty shelves. sure there might be a few things, but not much. and for some kids, they are home alone during the weekends and what is in their shelves they can't prepare. these kids struggle to stay awake at school. they struggle to complete their work because they aren't alert. overall, they are simple and innocent kids that don...

...and i ate a ardvark soup and b lueberry pie. i did c rafts while riding the d ucks i bought a f rankenstein puppet and listened to the G REAT jetta and the jelly beans. i ate a h amburger and i ce cream then i bought j umbo jelly beans. i flew a k ite rode a l lama carved a m ushroom noticed the n uts saw o prah just before i used the p ort a potty and oh my goodness i found a q uaker!! and then it was fireworks!!! in case you are curious....we have a lot of family fun during blueberry. this year we spent some time playing games. i'm not sure when the last time was we laughed so hard as when we played the silly i went to ....and i took ...abc game! i told them i would remember them all and post it! what did you do at the blueberry????

fairytales...i love them! i'm a sucker for princess movies. actually, i'm a sucker for any kind of movie where the girl's dreams all come true. i just love those happy endings even if there are all sorts of obstacles in the way. the struggle draws me in to make the happy ending all that more gripping. well, lately i've been pondering my dreams. not the kind i have at night, but the ones that sit buried deep in my heart. do you have any of those? dreams? you know, the ideals and opportunities you want so desperately until life happens and you bury them deep. last fall i chatted with a friend about some of my dreams. she was very encouraging and i admit to taking a few small steps toward them, but well, if i'm honest life set in and those dreams were buried even further. but obviously not far enough to keep them from finding their way back to the surface. i have spent the year battling my body and mind over physical limitations that frustrate me to no end. ...

it has been a few weeks since my grandma passed away, but my heart and mind have been busy processing it ever since. as prepared as i was to lose her, i was not prepared for the emotions that would come along with losing my last grandparent and for the challenge left to carry on her legacy. this amazing group is my cousins. all of us....the last time we have all been together. we were at my grandpa's funeral last summer and wanted to be sure to capture this picture with my grandma. i remember looking at this picture later and noticing how odd it was to not have grandpa sitting next to her. they were always together - and i mean ALWAYS! as we gathered for the funeral and friends and family shared, i was struck by the amazing legacy this couple left, and most importantly my grandma. she raised 5 kids as the wife of a farmer. my mom talks about killing the chicken in the morning that they would eat for dinner that night. she talks about how the neighbor kids would show up, and...

a few years ago, it seemed like i was never in our worship service. being the children's director i found myself filling in a lot with the kiddos. while that is great, i found myself rather dry. somehow i found holly's blog which led me to here . i often listened to his sermons and still do on occasion. one of the things i've loved about elevation's philosophy is that 10% of their tithe is tithed back to the community. they partner with many organizations. this winter, holly blogged about their Love Week. this year they partnered with several churches in the charlotte area and logged many hours of community service. they partnered with schools, agencies, and basically blessed the community. our pastor has a heart for community involvement. it seems like us small town church-goers are pretty good at the one-anothering the bible talks about, but we often forget about one-anothering those outside our walls. so i took the leap and threw out love week at a staff m...

getting a weather radio to keep himself tuned it to current stats! whiz boy turned 11 this july! i would say that seems crazy, and it does, but then again it doesn't! my little boy has grown up and at times that makes me sad, but then again....it is our job to raise them and let them go. for now, i'm prepping myself to embrace those preteen years and enjoy the ride it takes us on! princess got him a dog pillow pet...he did say it is very soft! whiz boy is full of information, kind of like a walking encyclopedia(i learned to spell that word in 2nd grade in a sing songy kind of way and even while typing it it sounded sing songy!). he has his father's sense of humor although learning when to use it and when not to use it has been a challenge. i have to say, that for all the times i feel like pulling my hair out, he really is a great kid with a spunky spirit and zest for life. i mean he is full core from sunrise to sunset, which in the summer makes for long days for this momma!...

so we don't have ac, which means we are hot, which means we aren't very motivated. so while i sit in a dark room with 2 fans on me i thought i'd share some randomness...... our back porch has been getting a make-over. hubby has done a great job and it looks tons better just primed!!! oscar dog has gotten a bit hot lately too...while he is not fond of water he has tolerated several dips in the pool:) the kids have greatly enjoyed the pool too...and yes, the water is brown because of iron, but they don't seem to care. we shock it for them every once in a while! oscar had a special treat one night when we gave him "one minute to lick it!" and for those of you wondering...the jar was empty and found its way to the trash when he was done! i did good for father's day and bought hubby these chairs. i bought him 2 so i could join him for coffee! of course assembly was required. he had help for the 2nd chair. since then i bought 2 more - they are still in the boxe...

well, this morning i was pretty excited to get out in our garden and start picking my green beans! i love green beans and pick mine young so i can freeze them for the year. they always taste so yummy. last year we had this crazy crop of beans. i mean seriously, i'd never seen so many beans on one plant! so this morning, the kids chore was to pick beans and we all headed out early. son started on the peas (he loves to shell them too and has just spent the last hour doing just that without one complaint!) and princess and i started in with our bags on the 4 rows of green beans. i was sure our crop would be more "normal" this summer, but oh no....again, this bizarre bumper crop! so here are my lessons: ...just put your hiney in the dirt and scoot your way through the plants. ...leave the shoes on the side of the garden ...enjoy the dirt that covers you head to toe when you decide sitting in the dirt is easier on your neck and back than the forever squat position ...you...

the past several weeks have found me pondering quite a few deep issues. i tend to go through phases like that. but saturday morning i found myself in long sleeves and jeans knee deep in pasture grass all alone picking rasberries. it has been a rare treat this summer to find myself alone. i spent some time thinking through some of my recent ponderings. ironically, while picking the berries God opened up more than i think i wanted to hear! you see, this past couple of weeks i've come face to face with some issues from my past. while they aren't really big issues they were ones that stir up some buried hurt. i'd been processing them and trying to move on yet again. during this time i had some conversations with a few people. one person was sharing how for them it was just easier to "forgive" the person who hurt them, but then to walk away from the friendship as a way of avoiding anymore hurt. while i completely understand that, i can't help but think tha...

somehow i connected with a gal from my college days. i remember her, but have to say we ran in somewhat different circles. anyways, i enjoy reading her blog. she makes me laugh as she relates her life in real and vulnerable tales. there are so many times i find myself saying, "that is just like me!" but i'm not quite crazy enough to haul my family to 52 zoos in 52 days ! marla has written several books and does a lot of speaking to women. i admire her frankness and passion for that touchy topic: sex. so a few weeks ago she started writing about a desire for a new book. then on facebook she started asking men to answer some questions. so i guess you could say she did her research and wrote it and will be releasing it as an e-book this weekend!! she won't give me the title yet, but did allow me to ask her a few questions because i'm curious, but i had to be willing to publish her answers on my blog. since most of you know i'm rather passionate about...

this here is the tale of two well loved bears... let me introduce you to them.... first is chubs, he is on the right and belongs to me. i've had him since jr. high. he has gone to camp with me, survived a brutal kidnapping and much ridicule, and has loved me well. and he still finds his way into my arms each and every night. the little pink one....she doesn't have a name, but was a gift to princess from her daddy on her birth. i used to take her picture next to this bear. they were once the same size. today, this little pink bear is what princess cuddles each and every night. well, here is the where the tale begins. at 2:30 am i hear princess calling me. great...last night she was sleep walking, what is it tonight? i drag up the steps, dizzy as can be with a pounding headache. i find her in tears frantic by her bed. "i can't find my bear!" oh man...have i ever mentioned that i truly lack grace and love in the middle of the night? i pull back all the covers...

i'm not really sure when it all began, but i have this thing about feet. it is weird, but i have a love-hate relationship with them. i don't remember when it registered with me that my big toe is really a big toe....it is fat and smooshed and big. i decided i hated it and would NEVER wear sandals again. but then the summer before my junior year of high school a friend talked me into a pair of sandals. i remember them well. they were red, and frankly, are the same kind of sandal back in style today. with great fear, i bravely wore them in public. i feared the pointing finger, the shocking faces, the questions about my BIG toe. amazingly, noone really seemed to notice. i guess i should back up and say, that i always preferred to be barefoot and i'm not really sure why it never struck me that people could see my toes when i would romp around barefoot. i think the whole color of the sandal seemed like it would draw attention to my feet. anyways...that purchase started...

you gotta love them right? those field trips where you pile on the bus with a bunch of kids and settle in for a great day of shuffling kids on to the next thing... while field trips aren't my favorite thing...this is one of my favorite boys and he really wanted me to tag along with his class to science central. i will say, 4th graders are much easier to manage than 1st graders:) actually this was a great place. it was full of hands on fun and i only had to really stay with him. this was his group...we had another mom with us so between us 2 moms we were able to keep the boys in sight:) his elementary years are drawing to a close in the next several days. i'm proud of the young man he is becoming, but dreading homework and all the struggles that come with that. but for now, we will welcome a break from school and enjoy our summer!!

one spunky, always right, lover of all things sports, shaggy haired boy one sweet, lover of books, quirky, spunky, tooting little girl i love these kiddos that keep me on my toes, on my knees, and everywhere in between

these ladies really crack me up. let me introduce you to my mom's girl cousins: front row: janene, diane, jane, marilyn back row: pat, rosalie, carolyn, my mom, jeanette (you are all impressed aren't you - and i didn't have to ask my mom!) now....let's just say, this is one amazingly funny group of ladies. when i was in high school these cousins starting getting together every other year for a long weekend. they take turns hosting the group. this year, the destination was right here in p-town! my dad was smart enough to head to china, but i was more than eager to spend some time with them. they arrived on thursday night and from what i hear stayed up late into the night, but were more than eager to set their alarms, don their tiaras and watch the royal wedding. when i joined them for breakfast they were in pj's and beds were still askew. but watch with great glee we did. they made my mom and i pose for a picture. i like to call her "mum" in this ...

last week i was making lemon bars for easter dinner. the final step is to dust with powdered sugar. well, i had powdered sugar but one i thing i don't have in my kitchen is a shaker. i noticed i didn't have any empty spice containers. realizing i couldn't really "dust" with a spoon or fork i had a brilliant idea! i took one of my jelly canning jars. i use these to store things in, but the seal is broke so i can't reuse that part of the lid for more canning. i headed to the tool box and found a hammer and nail. i took the screw top off, turned the seal part upside down, screwed the lid back on and used the hammer and nail to poke several holes in the lid. then i flipped it over and put it back on the jar the correct way. and voila - a homemade shaker jar!! it worked great i must say! i was so giddy proud of myself so i'm hoping that somewhere in bloggy world someone else can share in my joy!

after a busy day of baking, laundry, work, i happened to glance at this... it made me pause, say a whisper of thanks, and capture it as best as i could. 203. the gift of the cross 204. the promise of salvation 205. the hope of eternity

as many of you know, i've been counting gifts thanks to ann voskamp and her book . it has proven to change my perspective on a lot of things. a few weeks ago she provided free templates for 7 days of 7 gifts. i decided this would be a great way to prepare for easter here on the farm. i find that there are many times i would like to complain about something in my life; finances, time, weather, parenting, weight, etc....yet, lately i find myself first look for a gift in that moment. God has not let me down yet and i have always found at least one thing to stop and give thanks for. and when, i've stopped to give thanks, i find joy. now don't get me wrong - last night, when i got home from youth group i can't say that i was an abundant ball of joy:) but in my counting of gifts i'm learning to see things a bit differently. last week i came home from picking up the kiddos and found a box at our back door. not the usual shape for dear hubby's maps and it ha...

oh how i love this sweet girl.... ...colorful rain boots ...splashing in mud puddles ...the covering of an umbrella ...the joy of a sweet child ...the curls framing her face, damp with rain ...time spent together ...a cup of hot cocoa, with a drizzle of caramel

isn't he absolutely adorable?????? all my life i have wanted a pig. yes, i know it is an odd thing for a non farmer girl to want, but i did. i mean, i would BEG my dad for a pig in our backyard. he was a farmer and so was my mom. they both kept a firm "NO!" every time i asked. it may have been the only time i didn't get something i so badly wanted; i might have been a tad bit spoiled:) so a little over a year ago we moved to the farm. here, we have an amazing barn and several pastures. it is quite peaceful and every time i wander the outdoors i dream of pastures filled with cows, horses, and PIGS! i know pigs prefer mud, but goodness, we have the best barn for some piggies. i keep asking hubby and he keeps saying "NO!" i even asked if we could get one, but keep it at someone else's farm. he still says "NO!" i just don't get it. so today.....i bought a pig. well, kind of. but when i posted on facebook that i had just bought a pig (which i t...

here are some random bits of thoughts...... ...i feel perky today ...i like my friends ...i'm ready for spring ...on monday i am going to go as sugar-free as possible for one full week ...should i cut my hair to a chin length shag or leave it to grow? ...i need to get back into my spring/summer clothes ...my parents have finally returned ...i am going to miss football and basketball season, baseball is not my thing ...could i feed my family on $50/week? ...i'm only dizzy half of the time now instead of all the time ...is it okay to let my daughter read this much? ...i'm hoping my hubby goes to chicago for research and drags me along! ...this week he took me to a most unique place of sorts - he bribed me with lunch ... we have a lot of trees to plant, well hubby does ...i love these kiddos ...we all love slushies ...sugar free for one week? will i survive? ...it is about that time where i break out the country music tunes ...i love sassy country songs ...go butler, because ...

whiz boy surprised us all with the bracket victory!! and yes, i know the tournament is not over, but no one can catch him! he does have one team, uconn, left in the final four. he also won with the lowest score in jgl bracket history! so today, he was awarded his dq blizzard and certificate by his 2 uncles. i think he might have been a bit proud. and while uconn was his pick to win it all - my boy is rooting for the butler bulldogs! what hoosier couldn't?

...i am a bit of a pioneer woman wannabe!!! i don't go there daily, but about once a week i head over to visit her with a cup of coffee in hand. she cracks me up as she shares about her life on the ranch. but mostly, i love her recipes! i currently have 5 pans of her cinnamon rolls in the freezer. i've made several different things and the family always gives two thumbs up. a few months ago, i grabbed my coffee and sat down to check in with her. in searching through some older recipe posts i found this one for rosemary butter rolls i knew i'd have to give it a try. of course i consistently forgot the main ingredient each and every week. how hard is it to forget frozen rolls? apparently it isn't very hard. well, on friday i threw some random ingredients into the crockpot to whip up some warm soup. i headed to the store with whiz boy in tow, and this time, i remembered the rolls! so home we came and i pulled out my new to me iron skillet, plopped those rolls ...