the back door

one of my goals this summer was to journal more.  i have a love for writing and know that finding the quiet still place of writing soothes my soul.  summer was a bit of a flurry.  but as the summer came to an end i took some time to head outside with a writing prompt from the best english teacher ever. although this probably isn't exactly what the prompt suggested.... i've sat on it.  for me it is a beautiful piece.  but i couldn't decide if i should edit and rework it or leave it as is.  it is imperfect in many ways.  yet perfect in others. its a glimpse into just that one day.  not my every day. but a single day.  a single day that revealed a bit of what my every day should be. one thing i'm learning - let go of what others may think and be vulnerable. so here, in all its unedited mess, is my walk to find beauty 8.3.15 today is hard - rushed, overwhelmed, frazzled.  the harsh realities of life that keeps coming at me. ...

It has definitely been an action packed 2015.  Irony is not lost on me that I chose “be still” as my theme for the year and then entered a whirlwind of beautiful chaos.  I guess not really chaos – just busyness but chaos seems way more romantic than busyness so in honor of my recent viewing of anne of green gables I’m going with chaos. Rapha:  be still, to let go of Oh how many ways this has come alive in my soul this winter and spring.  I landed in the er one winter night for a freak thing.  I’m always the one with freak things (so the doctors say).  That freak thing resulted in several tests only to learn that I did not bring a parasite back from Haiti, Indiana ones hadn’t taken up residence either, and my colon is healthy and pretty.  It did however provide plenty of time for being still (or on the move!) Then we had spring break in Florida.  I was ready for the chance to just rapha and that is exactly what happened.  It was a...

my theme for the year is "be still."  ironically, it has been a jam packed on the go winter and only picks up the next couple of months.  but this summer our pastor is taking a sabbatical and has asked all of us as staff to consider a specific renewal plan for ourselves.  honestly, i feel like finding a chance to slow down is near impossible. however, while on a walk last weekend i had the number 21 come to mind.  i also know without a doubt it is somehow connected to my personal renewal, yet have no idea in what way.  i shared this number and renewal idea with a friend that offered to pray about it for me.  that was about 10 days ago now.   that friend and i met last monday.  she said she had a few ideas:  there are 21 chapters in John and Judges, or was i to reflect on something that happened when i was 21?  i paused for a moment to place myself back at age 21.  then laughed when i said, "i changed my major to kid and youth m...

i have gotten in the habit of choosing a word for the year.  i've done words like change, love, joy, discover, and last year chose to go different and focus on what i called the power of 10.  i basically failed at that. this past year has been interesting to say the least.  it has been a struggle for me in many ways.  i've kept those struggles a secret with only a few beloved friends.  but it hasn't made them any less real.  any less life sucking. last week i started pondering this whole word idea.  i had a few swirling around in my head, but decided to ask my friends on facebook for some of their thoughts.  what words would they choose for me? some of their suggestions were weird - like bisquit?  others were really pretty good:  thrive, intentional, strive, exuberance, steadfast, faith, and many more.  i let them roll around in my head and heart.  i even had settled on one, or so i thought:  strive.  i started p...