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still in the chaos

It has definitely been an action packed 2015.  Irony is not lost on me that I chose “be still” as my theme for the year and then entered a whirlwind of beautiful chaos.  I guess not really chaos – just busyness but chaos seems way more romantic than busyness so in honor of my recent viewing of anne of green gables I’m going with chaos.

Rapha:  be still, to let go of


Oh how many ways this has come alive in my soul this winter and spring.  I landed in the er one winter night for a freak thing.  I’m always the one with freak things (so the doctors say).  That freak thing resulted in several tests only to learn that I did not bring a parasite back from Haiti, Indiana ones hadn’t taken up residence either, and my colon is healthy and pretty.  It did however provide plenty of time for being still (or on the move!) Then we had spring break in Florida.  I was ready for the chance to just rapha and that is exactly what happened.  It was a great trip with my parents and kiddos.  Relaxing, refreshing, calm, adventurous and sunny. Just what I needed. 

Upon return, the pace of life picked right back up. From April – July I will have hosted 4 showers and attended 3 weddings along with 3 nephews graduations.  Each and every one has been incredibly special.  Where is the rapha in this you might ask?  Letting go.  I totally let go of the pinterest expectations.  I just had a desire to keep things simple, sweet, and focused on the person being honored.  Sometimes I think we try too hard to make something special that is loses its focus.  Each event really carried very little stress, I focused on each one as it came, and am ready to focus on the last shower this next month.  I found it sweet.  And refreshing.  Stillness is a state of mind I’m learning.  It isn’t about not moving.  It is about being in each and every moment.  It is stilling the mind long enough to fully embrace the moment you are in. 

I think that “letting go” concept of rapha is what I’m learning the most.  My heart aches for Haiti and my friends I’ve made there.  It is a place that wormed its way into my heart and will forever reside there.  I had begged to make the trip during the school year and joined the team, but in my heart I knew God was telling me no.  I argued for quite a while.  Then asked just a few people to pray for clarity – although both of those told me they thought I already knew.  And they were right.  I had to let go.  I knew it.  But well, just couldn’t .  Then I did.  I said it out loud, I sent the letter, and I felt peace.  RAPHA


It’s hard to let go of things.  I really thought when I chose this word I would focus more on actually being still.  Nope – life has kept me hopping.  But, in the moments of stillness I’ve felt God repeatedly give me things He wants me to let go of.  Let go of my expectations of others.  Let go of my expectations of myself.  Let go of my dreams.  Let go of my rights.  Let go of my feelings.  In their place I’ve gripped friendships, inner peace, new dreams, humility, truth.  It’s been beautiful.  And definitely a still in the chaos.



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