the back door

the written word. that was my word of the year for 2016.  it started out strong.  i read 3 books in the first week of January, journaled, and sent several hand written letters.  i even blogged.  twice. i read more this year than in recent pasts, but not as much as i had hoped.  i sent letters out well.  but by around march all journaling stopped.  i think i blogged once after march.  maybe.   through a series of hard conversations i felt as though my voice was taken from me.  its a little hard to explain.  i tried to share it the other night.  i'm not sure i can.  but that conversation played in my mind frequently this year, mostly because every couple of months i got the chance to be reminded.  it was hard.  it stung.  it really hurt. silence is hard for me.  almost deafening. as the year went on i watched a world of sadness unfold.  from #blacklivesmatter to the election proc...

the hand of God.  what do you think of?  what images come to mind?  if i can be honest, i've come to dislike this phrase.  i tend to roll my eyes at it.  not because i don't believe in the hand of God.  i just find the use of this phrase saddens my heart.  makes me weary. last week i watched in great heartache as hurricane Matthew ravaged Haiti.  most of us were more concerned about our loved ones in florida and the rest of the east coast. i by no means intend to belittle that concern.  it is valid and very real.  in fact i have family that now has a flooded house. but haiti. have you been there?  i'm convinced more than ever that unless you have personally visited a 3rd world country you can't fathom the devastation of this magnitude.  here in America we can rebuild fairly quickly.  or at least provide decent protective shelter, clean water, insurance help,  we can board up our homes and businesses and head inl...

yesterday was mother's day.  i've never really wanted to do much for the day.  just kind of be.  i do love to go to dairy queen though.  it's kind of tradition. i've recently been pondering motherhood.  it is such an evolution.  it really is.  when you first become a mom you have this tiny babe and their world revolves around you.  some days are hard. some days are pure bliss.  some days - well....some days are better left unsaid.   then they grow up and turn into toddlers and preschoolers.  they bring home cute mothers day poems and hand prints.  you are still their whole world. then they hit elementary.  they get a bit more confusing to you.  but now they make homemade cards and gifts and tell you how much they love you. then you enter the preteen years.  and if i'm honest, i wasn't sure that both my son and i would survive those years.  those years brought more tears than i ever imagined....

this blog post has been floating around in my head for awhile.  my word for the year has been "the written word."  it's a bit of a different approach, but here are my goals:  write by hand, send hand written notes , read books, dig into scripture , journal. its been beautiful and since writing has always been a love of mine, fulfilling. this quest has forced me to also listen to words more.  to really listen to them. it is no secret that i'm a lover of pop culture.  some may say it's anti-christian, but i work with kids, preteens and teens. and i have teens. since my own kids are immersed in it daily i like to keep myself current. it is also no secret i'm a lover of music. it is also no secret (hopefully)  that i'm a lover of my Jesus and following Him. on a rare occasion there is this brilliant moment when those three loves converge and form something that cracks my heart so deeply that it leaves a permanent piercing.  here is one...

it was just a year ago that i wandered our winter wonderland and snapped this picture.  it was on this walk that i knew God was asking me to "be still and know He is God" in 2015.  i remember in that moment having a conversation about how i'm not so good at being still and our year was looking pretty busy.  God drew me to watch the partially frozen creek.  God drew me to listen to my surroundings.  it was quiet, peaceful, and mostly still.  but that creek - it moved.  it moved under the ice, around the ice, and over the ice.  could i know stillness in the midst of 2015? the first 6 of the months were kind of normal.  we were busy with day to day life.  i hosted 3 showers, witnessed 3 family weddings, and celebrated 3 nephews graduating high school.  life was busy and fun and definitely "flowing."  the sun would rise; the sun would set. but God had asked me to focus on "be still"  so i did.  i learned tha...

one of my goals this summer was to journal more.  i have a love for writing and know that finding the quiet still place of writing soothes my soul.  summer was a bit of a flurry.  but as the summer came to an end i took some time to head outside with a writing prompt from the best english teacher ever. although this probably isn't exactly what the prompt suggested.... i've sat on it.  for me it is a beautiful piece.  but i couldn't decide if i should edit and rework it or leave it as is.  it is imperfect in many ways.  yet perfect in others. its a glimpse into just that one day.  not my every day. but a single day.  a single day that revealed a bit of what my every day should be. one thing i'm learning - let go of what others may think and be vulnerable. so here, in all its unedited mess, is my walk to find beauty 8.3.15 today is hard - rushed, overwhelmed, frazzled.  the harsh realities of life that keeps coming at me. ...

It has definitely been an action packed 2015.  Irony is not lost on me that I chose “be still” as my theme for the year and then entered a whirlwind of beautiful chaos.  I guess not really chaos – just busyness but chaos seems way more romantic than busyness so in honor of my recent viewing of anne of green gables I’m going with chaos. Rapha:  be still, to let go of Oh how many ways this has come alive in my soul this winter and spring.  I landed in the er one winter night for a freak thing.  I’m always the one with freak things (so the doctors say).  That freak thing resulted in several tests only to learn that I did not bring a parasite back from Haiti, Indiana ones hadn’t taken up residence either, and my colon is healthy and pretty.  It did however provide plenty of time for being still (or on the move!) Then we had spring break in Florida.  I was ready for the chance to just rapha and that is exactly what happened.  It was a...