the back door

“Look through there.  Just look.  Gaze for a few minutes, boy. Do you see it, boy? Do you see it?” Looking back, even through a small hole, creates a unique perspective on the past.  And while it may somewhat limit our view, it also changes our perspective.  I find myself working on living in the present.  In a world of hustle it is easy to get distracted and not at all focused on the here and now.  Or sometimes we are so caught up in trying to find our dreams and plan for the future that we forget to live in the present.  Being present is hard, yet so deeply needed.  It is important to my husband, my children, my friends, my neighbors, and most importantly God.  For in the present we are able to see the need in front of us. To act upon those needs.  To be the hands and feet of Jesus. I believe God calls us to be present. The world tells us to set goals; financial, health, professional, family.  We spend hours crea...

last night i sat with a group of friends around the table.  it was such a sweet time.  full of laughter, tears, and stories better kept at that table. as we sat there i took a few minutes to take in the people around the table.  some i've known forever.  some are new friends.  some were students in our ministries, turned dear friends. i'm blessed with amazing friends from so many places.  and so many friends have carried my through the year. 2017 has been the year of the winding road.  in choosing the word present for 2017 i sought to slow down and soak in those around me.  there were surprises at every single curve in the road.  the road became quite hilly along the way filled with all sorts of highs and lows, but while sitting at a table one day, the road came to a dead end i found myself lost and confused.  and it was there at that dead end that i met Jesus.  don't get me wrong.  i met Jesus years ago, but at t...

the past couple weeks have definitely had me on a roller coaster of emotions.  between sending my kids back to school, both in high school now,  and the events of the world, august has left me feeling all sorts of feels.   several years ago, our pastor had all the staff do this strength finders test.  it was designed to help us learn about ourselves.  my top 2 didn't really surprise me:  strategic and belief.  they tend to be both a blessing and a curse.  mostly a curse. i feel big feels.  and when i feel them, i can't shake them.  and i love to find solutions.  and lately i've felt a lot of big feels, but the solutions?  they allude me... this morning i was driving to church and listening to a sermon.  the pastor has been talking about joshua leading into the promise land.  today he was sharing how the truth is that God has it.  God has everything in His control.  He could have knocked down the...

the written word. that was my word of the year for 2016.  it started out strong.  i read 3 books in the first week of January, journaled, and sent several hand written letters.  i even blogged.  twice. i read more this year than in recent pasts, but not as much as i had hoped.  i sent letters out well.  but by around march all journaling stopped.  i think i blogged once after march.  maybe.   through a series of hard conversations i felt as though my voice was taken from me.  its a little hard to explain.  i tried to share it the other night.  i'm not sure i can.  but that conversation played in my mind frequently this year, mostly because every couple of months i got the chance to be reminded.  it was hard.  it stung.  it really hurt. silence is hard for me.  almost deafening. as the year went on i watched a world of sadness unfold.  from #blacklivesmatter to the election proc...

the hand of God.  what do you think of?  what images come to mind?  if i can be honest, i've come to dislike this phrase.  i tend to roll my eyes at it.  not because i don't believe in the hand of God.  i just find the use of this phrase saddens my heart.  makes me weary. last week i watched in great heartache as hurricane Matthew ravaged Haiti.  most of us were more concerned about our loved ones in florida and the rest of the east coast. i by no means intend to belittle that concern.  it is valid and very real.  in fact i have family that now has a flooded house. but haiti. have you been there?  i'm convinced more than ever that unless you have personally visited a 3rd world country you can't fathom the devastation of this magnitude.  here in America we can rebuild fairly quickly.  or at least provide decent protective shelter, clean water, insurance help,  we can board up our homes and businesses and head inl...

yesterday was mother's day.  i've never really wanted to do much for the day.  just kind of be.  i do love to go to dairy queen though.  it's kind of tradition. i've recently been pondering motherhood.  it is such an evolution.  it really is.  when you first become a mom you have this tiny babe and their world revolves around you.  some days are hard. some days are pure bliss.  some days - well....some days are better left unsaid.   then they grow up and turn into toddlers and preschoolers.  they bring home cute mothers day poems and hand prints.  you are still their whole world. then they hit elementary.  they get a bit more confusing to you.  but now they make homemade cards and gifts and tell you how much they love you. then you enter the preteen years.  and if i'm honest, i wasn't sure that both my son and i would survive those years.  those years brought more tears than i ever imagined....

this blog post has been floating around in my head for awhile.  my word for the year has been "the written word."  it's a bit of a different approach, but here are my goals:  write by hand, send hand written notes , read books, dig into scripture , journal. its been beautiful and since writing has always been a love of mine, fulfilling. this quest has forced me to also listen to words more.  to really listen to them. it is no secret that i'm a lover of pop culture.  some may say it's anti-christian, but i work with kids, preteens and teens. and i have teens. since my own kids are immersed in it daily i like to keep myself current. it is also no secret i'm a lover of music. it is also no secret (hopefully)  that i'm a lover of my Jesus and following Him. on a rare occasion there is this brilliant moment when those three loves converge and form something that cracks my heart so deeply that it leaves a permanent piercing.  here is one...