the back door

one of my goals this summer was to journal more.  i have a love for writing and know that finding the quiet still place of writing soothes my soul.  summer was a bit of a flurry.  but as the summer came to an end i took some time to head outside with a writing prompt from the best english teacher ever. although this probably isn't exactly what the prompt suggested.... i've sat on it.  for me it is a beautiful piece.  but i couldn't decide if i should edit and rework it or leave it as is.  it is imperfect in many ways.  yet perfect in others. its a glimpse into just that one day.  not my every day. but a single day.  a single day that revealed a bit of what my every day should be. one thing i'm learning - let go of what others may think and be vulnerable. so here, in all its unedited mess, is my walk to find beauty 8.3.15 today is hard - rushed, overwhelmed, frazzled.  the harsh realities of life that keeps coming at me. ...

It has definitely been an action packed 2015.  Irony is not lost on me that I chose “be still” as my theme for the year and then entered a whirlwind of beautiful chaos.  I guess not really chaos – just busyness but chaos seems way more romantic than busyness so in honor of my recent viewing of anne of green gables I’m going with chaos. Rapha:  be still, to let go of Oh how many ways this has come alive in my soul this winter and spring.  I landed in the er one winter night for a freak thing.  I’m always the one with freak things (so the doctors say).  That freak thing resulted in several tests only to learn that I did not bring a parasite back from Haiti, Indiana ones hadn’t taken up residence either, and my colon is healthy and pretty.  It did however provide plenty of time for being still (or on the move!) Then we had spring break in Florida.  I was ready for the chance to just rapha and that is exactly what happened.  It was a...

my theme for the year is "be still."  ironically, it has been a jam packed on the go winter and only picks up the next couple of months.  but this summer our pastor is taking a sabbatical and has asked all of us as staff to consider a specific renewal plan for ourselves.  honestly, i feel like finding a chance to slow down is near impossible. however, while on a walk last weekend i had the number 21 come to mind.  i also know without a doubt it is somehow connected to my personal renewal, yet have no idea in what way.  i shared this number and renewal idea with a friend that offered to pray about it for me.  that was about 10 days ago now.   that friend and i met last monday.  she said she had a few ideas:  there are 21 chapters in John and Judges, or was i to reflect on something that happened when i was 21?  i paused for a moment to place myself back at age 21.  then laughed when i said, "i changed my major to kid and youth m...

i have gotten in the habit of choosing a word for the year.  i've done words like change, love, joy, discover, and last year chose to go different and focus on what i called the power of 10.  i basically failed at that. this past year has been interesting to say the least.  it has been a struggle for me in many ways.  i've kept those struggles a secret with only a few beloved friends.  but it hasn't made them any less real.  any less life sucking. last week i started pondering this whole word idea.  i had a few swirling around in my head, but decided to ask my friends on facebook for some of their thoughts.  what words would they choose for me? some of their suggestions were weird - like bisquit?  others were really pretty good:  thrive, intentional, strive, exuberance, steadfast, faith, and many more.  i let them roll around in my head and heart.  i even had settled on one, or so i thought:  strive.  i started p...

it's kinda weird how much i miss blogging.  i really do, but apparently not enough to carve out time for it.  maybe i will try harder in 2015.   i love the new years.  it always seems like a refreshing time.  a time to take stock of where i've been and a time to take hold of what is to come.  i usually choose a word for the year.  i have a few thoughts on that swirling around in my head, but am not ready to share it yet.  however, i can share some of my favorite things from 2014!! i honestly loved the polar vortex that kept us snuggled in our home.  i always enjoyed the "in the interest of student safety" phone calls and hearing the enthusiasm dwindle in them.  while i enjoyed the extended christmas vacation last year, i guess i will be okay with the return to school next week. spring break in naples.  we were cold, oh so very cold, but at least there was no snow.  or a sunset to be seen.  but the l...

 while this post is long overdue, i'm finally taking some time to blog again!   this year i flew with the kids to naples, fl to hang out with my parents.  we had a blast, even if it felt like the cold weather followed us south:)  when we arrived it was wonderful.  so we changed into our shorts and went to find manatees...this is all we found, but it is cute.  and so is that girl of mine!  see...cold, we were wearing sweatshirts!!!!  we ate some burgers at this place outside.  but then it rained.  thankfully we were mostly done!  this guy was found downtown naples.  doesn't my boy look thrilled to pose with me?  one afternoon we headed out on a boat to see manatees.  we had a great time spotting manatees, dolphins and some kind of sting ray.  the guide let each of the kids drive the boat and gave us a lesson on how manatees mate.  the boy was embarrass...

so this friday i have a birthday.  they used to be way more fun than they are now!  something about the cake going straight to my thighs, not enough air to blow out all the candles, and instead of being pampered the kids still need taken care of:) regardless, i still enjoy my birthday.  this year the kids have the day off of school for the end of semester.  that was something i loved about my birthday - every 5 years or so i got a day off of school in honor of it.  i recently found out i share my special day with michelle obama.  hmm...i'm gonna pretend the white house is throwing the party for me too! i started dreaming about my birthday a few months ago.  i'm kinda like that.  i wanted my birthday to be a celebration!!  i love a party!!!  but i wanted to put a twist on it.  because i'm not normal!  so this year, for my birthday i would love to throw a party.  you are ALL invited.  you can even inv...