i like words. i like to speak them. i like to think them. i like to hear them. i like to study them. i like being able to name something. each and everything should have a name. and when i couldn't put a name to the emotion wrestling in my heart over all i had lost, over all i was feeling, over what hurt deep, i was lost. i needed to name it. but, for a lot of months i just couldn't. so i wrestled. wrestled with God. just like jacob. and just like jacob, my wrestling match with God left me limp. limp and sitting at the pool of: {rejection} for that was it. that was the emotion. it now had a name: rejection. it came completely out of the blue. it hit me like a crashing wave one afternoon. i shouldn't be surprised by God, but this caught me off guard. it's hard to share my story. i still live surrounded by it. and all of the various truths and falsehoods associated with it. i can't escape it really. it is, and will forever be, a part of me