so this summer is definitely a lot different than summers past. i had definitely enjoyed some time to myself and have found none yet. although i knew that would be the case, i don't think i was prepared for really missing that and deeply craving it. this has been a year of a lot of changes and struggles. all have definitely brought me closer to God and further on the path He has for me. but i realize now how much that quiet time kept me centered during this year. and right now, i feel far from centered.
it wasn't much, but having that cup of coffee once a week with a great friend really helps keep things in perspective. having an adult to talk about life with (without children interupting) was so good for me. being able to just be quiet in my own house and ponder the life God has for me was so comforting. He spoke to me in that quietness.
now, it is temporarily gone. although it actually has been a good summer so far, i am definitely sensing the lack of quiet in my life. the kids have played fairly well and we enjoyed the company of some friends earlier in the week for a few hours. however, by about 2:00 yesterday i thought i might scream if i heard one more, "mom!! can you get me ________(fill in the blank with about 30 random things that they can always get for themselves until i'm busy working!)."
now...i love being a mom and honestly wouldn't trade it for the world - but goodness gracious i need a break! we left the dishes last night to visit the grandparents. i wish i had done them first. while at grandma's i ended up fixing each of my kids yet another meal and then came home to put them to bed late and do the dishes. my wonderful hubby started them, but it was almost 10 when we were done!!
this morning i heard mapboy go to the bathroom at 6:40. normally, he gets to play in his room until 7:00. i got up and told him to go back to bed - not play - until 7:20. i headed downstairs and had my coffee. hubby asked if i was okay. he noticed i was quiet. i was totally fine - just needing some silence before the day began.
this all got me thinking - our life is crazy. things are constantly changing. but after getting the house cleaned this morning i went to get our mail. seizing a brief moment i opened it on the porch swing. it felt like heaven...and i decided i NEED to take some time. in the midst of all the changes i feel like i've prepared. but it hit me - i have not. in some sense i have - but in others i have not. there will be new responsibilities on me and am i really ready for those? although it brings a lot of excitement i have a lot of fear. a lot of uncertainity. God is so faithful to us, He has proven that over and over, but i need to go away and hear His voice in the quiet again.
the other thing i realized is the importance of friendships. i need them. not to replace turning to God, but they definitely energize me and keep me going. the ability to laugh, be silly, be myself...i miss that right now. but, just like all things, this is a season. one where i am not as free - a summer of change and a summer to be in the noise of life. i pray that i will be able to hear God in the noise - and that I can find one day to get a sitter and get away, preferably before i'm bound to a car for 12 days hearing "MOM!!!!" fifteen times in a row!!! don't they know i get car sick???
oh - one other thing to ponder - why do they always call mom????? i should ask myself because i always did, but why is that?!??!?!?!?!?
it wasn't much, but having that cup of coffee once a week with a great friend really helps keep things in perspective. having an adult to talk about life with (without children interupting) was so good for me. being able to just be quiet in my own house and ponder the life God has for me was so comforting. He spoke to me in that quietness.
now, it is temporarily gone. although it actually has been a good summer so far, i am definitely sensing the lack of quiet in my life. the kids have played fairly well and we enjoyed the company of some friends earlier in the week for a few hours. however, by about 2:00 yesterday i thought i might scream if i heard one more, "mom!! can you get me ________(fill in the blank with about 30 random things that they can always get for themselves until i'm busy working!)."
now...i love being a mom and honestly wouldn't trade it for the world - but goodness gracious i need a break! we left the dishes last night to visit the grandparents. i wish i had done them first. while at grandma's i ended up fixing each of my kids yet another meal and then came home to put them to bed late and do the dishes. my wonderful hubby started them, but it was almost 10 when we were done!!
this morning i heard mapboy go to the bathroom at 6:40. normally, he gets to play in his room until 7:00. i got up and told him to go back to bed - not play - until 7:20. i headed downstairs and had my coffee. hubby asked if i was okay. he noticed i was quiet. i was totally fine - just needing some silence before the day began.
this all got me thinking - our life is crazy. things are constantly changing. but after getting the house cleaned this morning i went to get our mail. seizing a brief moment i opened it on the porch swing. it felt like heaven...and i decided i NEED to take some time. in the midst of all the changes i feel like i've prepared. but it hit me - i have not. in some sense i have - but in others i have not. there will be new responsibilities on me and am i really ready for those? although it brings a lot of excitement i have a lot of fear. a lot of uncertainity. God is so faithful to us, He has proven that over and over, but i need to go away and hear His voice in the quiet again.
the other thing i realized is the importance of friendships. i need them. not to replace turning to God, but they definitely energize me and keep me going. the ability to laugh, be silly, be myself...i miss that right now. but, just like all things, this is a season. one where i am not as free - a summer of change and a summer to be in the noise of life. i pray that i will be able to hear God in the noise - and that I can find one day to get a sitter and get away, preferably before i'm bound to a car for 12 days hearing "MOM!!!!" fifteen times in a row!!! don't they know i get car sick???
oh - one other thing to ponder - why do they always call mom????? i should ask myself because i always did, but why is that?!??!?!?!?!?
Comments
So far, so good....but I am only 2 minutes into it!
I have been in the vehicle everyday this week...running from one thing to the next...feeling like I am about to lose control of my nice, controlled voice:) if I have to hear "mom" precede one more sentence!!
I had been home precisely 7 minutes, when I got a call from the orthodontist...reminding me that I missed John's appointment...could I come in right away, please?
Arghh!!!
At least my internet is working again....maybe after they are in bed, I will lose myself in blog world!