fairytales...i love them! i'm a sucker for princess movies. actually, i'm a sucker for any kind of movie where the girl's dreams all come true. i just love those happy endings even if there are all sorts of obstacles in the way. the struggle draws me in to make the happy ending all that more gripping.well, lately i've been pondering my dreams. not the kind i have at night, but the ones that sit buried deep in my heart. do you have any of those? dreams? you know, the ideals and opportunities you want so desperately until life happens and you bury them deep.
last fall i chatted with a friend about some of my dreams. she was very encouraging and i admit to taking a few small steps toward them, but well, if i'm honest life set in and those dreams were buried even further. but obviously not far enough to keep them from finding their way back to the surface. i have spent the year battling my body and mind over physical limitations that frustrate me to no end.
this summer, our preaching series has been on the subtle sins. we've really hit a lot of areas that spoke to me. last week was anxiety. well, i surely don't have that. but then again i did have a doctor identified panic attack with no trigger, am constantly convinced i have a fatal disease, have an irrational fear of bats and pickles - we won't even go there. anyways...as this week has progressed and i've pondered the sermon on anxiety and what that means to me i circled back to my dreams.
you see, i really do have some dreams. i have a few things i'd love to accomplish, a few places i dream of going, and some simple things i'd like to do. some are big and some are small but all have been set aside. now, i've done the whole mom martyr thing - yea, that doesn't really work for long. i've done the whole - my husband doesn't like to fly thing. but lately i've been stuck on the whole - we don't have the income for me to do such things. and while that is true in many ways and is an honest limitation, why do i allow it to kill my dreams?
this morning i had breakfast with 3 20x's. one is leaving for 10 months in ghana. now, this has been a HUGE dream of hers - and one that i've often encouraged. but God gave her this amazing opportunity to go and she is. oh what i would give to pop over and see her. weird, since africa was somewhere i vowed i'd never go -but, well africa has worn her way into my heart in a way i can't describe and often just keep to myself.
another left his hometown and family to follow his dream. he had no money, no place to stay and no job. but he followed his dream. today he was sharing about the fact that his current job is is dream job in the place he left everything behind for.
the third...well, he is sending his girlfriend, the first one mentioned, to follow his dreams with a spirit about him that makes me smile.
now, don't get me wrong - i dreamed of this life: married, kids, farmhouse, simple living and i love it all - but there are so many more dreams to make the ones i have become even fuller. as i pondered this i thought about how quickly i can focus on those dreams left undone and miss out on the ones in front of me. and honestly, i have a great life with those i love and a job i love. so these dreams are just another layer of goodness.
so this brings me all back to my quandry: anxiety - do i "ignore" following those other dreams out of fear? i described to some fellow staff how my son avoids doing anything he can't do beyond well right away. maybe he gets that from me. maybe that is why i don't follow those dreams. the dreams i pursue are safe, attainable - with me in control. but then i come back to this: God knows my dreams and the desire of my heart.....He will provide those dreams when and if He desires them for me. if He doesn't, they weren't my dreams to have right? but do we follow our dreams (this assumes our dreams are given to us) or do we create our dreams?
geez....what a circle of thought. i just keep going around and around on this crazy cycle! somedays i start dreaming.....i plan and plot and dream some more. then i tell myself i'm crazy. so why is it that i have no problem telling my husband to quit his job of 12 years and follow his heart into self-employment? that sure doesn't seem safe - yet i meant that with my whole heart. but when it comes to me, i have an entirely different approach - back to my security net.
after the gang left this morning, my kiddos were busy playing, hubby was wandering outside or something, and i was just thinking. how can i get myself to ghana? how can i get my boy to ghana with me? hmm..then i started thinking through my list of dreams. so i think i'll share them. some are silly, some are far-fetched, some are fairly realistic. in no particular order:
...go to prince edward island
...go to australia
...spend all summer at one of those family camps (like in dirty dancing)
...eat healthy
...write a book
...live in england
...take my kids on a mission trip
...adopt a toddler
...be stylish
...having a beach house
...learn to do home improvement projects myself
...having pigs
...writing another book
...getting my masters in counseling
...counseling others
...going back to prague
...making a difference in this world
there is a sampling of my dream world. like i said, some are silly but all are real to me. i put this out here not to get sympathy or those "follow your dream" quotes but as a simple way to begin overcoming my fears related to these dreams. so we shall see...
surely i'm not alone.
what do you dream of????
what stops you from following your dreams???
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