the back door

this post is weird. hard to explain and will probably be a bit all over the place, but bear with me as i bear my soul and share a bit of my journey. i was never a fearful girl. i kinda always thought life was an amazing journey that was full of risks. i lived by the motto that God was in control and that was that. then that all changed. kind of overnight, but then not really. or i should say, it changed but i didn't grasp it. when i first got sick in november of 2010 it started with feelings of passing out. i never did, but the fact that 3 -4 times i'd waiver in a store and grip whatever was nearest was enough to start building fear. i would almost panic going into a store. as the dizzyness built it just got overwhelming. and that is what i thought it was - pure overwhelmnant (pretty sure that isn't a real word). then fear gripped me about a variety of things: ...i was sure i had blood clots in my legs that would kill me at any moment. ...i was also sure i had a brain tumor

february has come and gone....but there were quite a few discoveries ...my hubby and i need to date more again. we've put that aside due to finances and finding sitters, but we definitely need to get back into the dating habit. we shared a quiet cup of coffee one morning at our local joint. it was sweet. ...my man does a great job at holding down the fort while i take off for a week ...son definitely thrives on attention. ...princess thrives on snuggle time ...both kids are growing and we are discovering their gifts, personalities, and attitudes ...i've discovered a desire/need to be intentional ...reading - i've missed that. a year of dizzyness really didn't lend itself to reading. in february i read 3 books. ...discontment - this is actually a good thing. God is shaking up my little world! ...fears - this is a whole other blog post in waiting ...self-control - yep, starting to see it develop:) ...energy balls (find me on pinterest) these are AMAZING little balls of jo