i have gotten in the habit of choosing a word for the year. i've done words like change, love, joy, discover, and last year chose to go different and focus on what i called the power of 10. i basically failed at that. this past year has been interesting to say the least. it has been a struggle for me in many ways. i've kept those struggles a secret with only a few beloved friends. but it hasn't made them any less real. any less life sucking.
last week i started pondering this whole word idea. i had a few swirling around in my head, but decided to ask my friends on facebook for some of their thoughts. what words would they choose for me? some of their suggestions were weird - like bisquit? others were really pretty good: thrive, intentional, strive, exuberance, steadfast, faith, and many more. i let them roll around in my head and heart. i even had settled on one, or so i thought: strive. i started playing with the word. pondering it. but i kept having this conversation with God.
Me: i like strive
Him: yes, I know...you strove all last year
Me: so i should be good at this
Him: really? how did it work for you?
Me: you sound a bit like dr. phil
Him: are you avoiding my question?
Me: yes
Him: okay.
we had that conversation exactly 3 times. then i decided to answer His question. the reality is striving really didn't work for me last year. i strove for some health to return. i strove to earn the love of those i love dearly. i strove to find answers to confusion. i strove to find my place in this community. i strove to be who i think i'd like to be. i strove to loose weight. oh i strove. i had that word down. when i answered the question i had to honestly say all that striving really didn't work. it left me confused, hurt, frustrated. so our conversation continued:
me: yeah, it didn't work so much
Him: be still
me: yeah, right? aren't are supposed to be about your business?
Him: be still
me: ?
Him: be still and know that I am God.
uh...that's a verse. but then i remembered that one of my friends recommended i use a greek/hebrew word. so a quick word search was all i needed (well that along with agreeing with Him) to know without a doubt what my word for 2015 is:
RAPHA
hebrew word for still in psalm 46:10. it means to be weak, to let go, surrender, let yourself become weak, to be healed.
i love this. i love that there is way more to this word than stillness. i love the depth of what it means to be still. so my plan is to actually study this word. to read all the other verses where this word is used in the Old Testament. i think in my obedience to let go, surrender, be healed, become weak i will likely find that i KNOW God way better. i'm believe God will reveal Himself in so many ways. there are so many names of God. so many i've yet to take hold of. to witness. to know. but i believe that if i stop striving, if i cease the struggle and let go that this is gonna be a great year.
i had tried to explain to someone recently that i was tired of dreaming. i'm a dreamer by nature, but had grown quite weary of dreaming. he told me that was wrong -that i should always dream. i really believe this is a year that i won't. not out of a woe is me mentality, but out of a simple time to cease. to stop striving. to stop trying to make something happen. to just be still.
RAPHA
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