it was just a year ago that i wandered our winter wonderland and snapped this picture. it was on this walk that i knew God was asking me to "be still and know He is God" in 2015. i remember in that moment having a conversation about how i'm not so good at being still and our year was looking pretty busy. God drew me to watch the partially frozen creek. God drew me to listen to my surroundings. it was quiet, peaceful, and mostly still. but that creek - it moved. it moved under the ice, around the ice, and over the ice. could i know stillness in the midst of 2015?
the first 6 of the months were kind of normal. we were busy with day to day life. i hosted 3 showers, witnessed 3 family weddings, and celebrated 3 nephews graduating high school. life was busy and fun and definitely "flowing." the sun would rise; the sun would set. but God had asked me to focus on "be still" so i did. i learned that that phrase really means "rapha" or to let go of. for those first 6 months of 2015 i knew i was learning about rapha, about being still, but the world was still carrying me right on by.
summer was rough. in some ways it was lonely. i can't really explain why. i just felt lonely. our pastor had taken a sabbatical for the summer and had asked all of us as staff to find a way to "renew ourselves" during the summer. if i'm honest, i wasn't really into that. too much needed to be done to sit back and be renewed. which translates to: "i'm much too important to be still and know you God."
summer carried on and i continued flowing in the river of life.
but there was one day i just took some time away. on that day i knew God was searching my heart and it was very clear that i needed to stop. i needed to stop a lot of things. which deep in my heart translated to "rapha." let go.
i made a list that very day. a list of things to let go of. i was drawn back to that verse. read it again. Be still and know that I am God.
read it this way: let go of _______ and know God as ________
it was clear that day that my quest for stillness wasn't about actually being still. God had allowed me to become so messed up with myself that i failed to know Him. here are just a few things from that list:
let go of... expectations and know God as Enough
relationships and know God as Friend
my rights and know God as Sovereign
self and know God as Giver of Life
hurts and know God as Healer
God was definitely shaping my heart in this area of letting go. of rapha.
fall hit and well, my body literally hit a wall and i was placed on medical leave for 6 weeks. i spent those 6 weeks reading verse after verse that had rapha in it. i learned to know God as my healer, redeemer, lover, friend, and enough.
it was a strange 6 weeks. it was definitely physically healing. i'm thankful for my friend (who happens to be my doctor) that was willing to sit me down and say enough. i'm thankful for my pastor/boss who didn't argue but extended grace during that time. i'm thankful for people who stepped into take my place. i'm thankful for a few dear friends that prayed hard for me. i'm thankful for my family that let me be lazy. and i'm thankful for a husband that humored me with my gilmore girls binge watching:)
i really believe those 6 weeks changed me. it's hard to explain really. but i'm changed.
i thought back to the first image above. God called me to stillness and showed me that sometimes stillness exists in movement. while on leave i experienced much more stillness. days where all i did were walk and journal. life became full again as i read scripture after scripture about God's provision for me. rapha was changing me.
i've not arrived. i've not learned everything i need to about rapha. returning to work has filled those days again. but now i sit more. now i yearn for friendships of depth. now i savor moments with my family. now i truly can sit in the midst of flowing water and hear only the stillness.
in late october my hubby and i snuck away for our anniversary. one day we hiked through a wooded dune. it was rainy and windy so we were basically alone. as we crested the dune we saw the lake. walking through this little path we could see and hear the waves crashing the shoreline. and it was here. here in this place that i stopped. here that i heard.
"my daughter, I AM powerful. I AM love. I AM your redeemer. I AM grace. I AM strength.
I AM"
and it was here where i knew i want to forever seek the art of rapha.
for in the letting go we are found. in the waves of life there is a place to
be still and know He is God.
Hosea 6:1-3
Come on, let's go back to God.
He hurt us, but he'll heal (rapha) us.
He hit us hard,
but he'll put us right again.
In a couple of days we'll feel better.
By the third day he'll have made us brand new,
alive and on our feet,
fit to face him.
We're ready to study God,
eager for God-knowledge
as sure as dawn breaks,
so sure is his daily arrival.
He comes as rain comes,
as spring rain refreshing the ground.
Comments