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where i'm at

this past year has been one of great growth in our little house! from physical growth to emotional growth, but even more importantly a lot of spiritual growth has taken place. i have wrestled with some of my beliefs - not doctrinal but applicable. in other words...am i living the way Christ intended for me to live? in my quest to answer this question God has sometimes quietly and sometimes loudly brought me to conviction on many issues. places where i'm falling short of truly living like He intended. it is hard to let go of some of my old ways of christian living and embracing new ways. it is hard to admit that i'm not as together as i like to think or that i've fallen into just motions of christian living.

one of the big questions i've wrestled with deals with quiet times and prayer life. i know in my heart that is something i should have daily. i also confess how many days go by that i haven't sat and had "quiet times." sad isn't it???? or maybe it really isn't??? don't get me wrong...i still deeply believe that God calls us to spend time with him daily. but what he doesn't want is for us to be so routine in it that it becomes just another daily chore. people always tell me to make sure to carve out time each day to spend with him. i mean wouldn't you do that for your best friend?? people say to be sure to spend lots of time in prayer to Him. you know - the good half hour......i struggled with all of that! not that i don't want to or don't agree, but i've learned to see that God wires us all different and frankly he wants a relationship that isn't "arranged."

what do i mean by all of this???? well, what i've learned is that God wants a relationship with me. He wants to be my very best friend and i have known and believed all this for most of my life....so i started thinking about my best friend and what makes it so much fun to be her friend and even what our relationship looks like. then i started modeling that in my relationship with Christ. For me this means.... quiet times may be different every day. some days may be bible reading, some days may be journaling, some days may be just taking a hike in the woods. prayer is highly important - but just like i might talk to my friend 10 different times a day i should talk to God just as often. some times it is a long conversation, other times it just gets straight to the point of the "call." i laugh and cry with my best friend - so i've tried to do both with God. i gripe to my friend, so i gripe to God! and you know what - when i allow myself to be so real with God, God works in my heart in dramatic ways.

i feel blessed that God is choosing to reveal to me the person He created!! what a joy it is to experience God in a refreshing way - even when it gets ugly:)

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