Skip to main content

like a turtle

do you have those times when you wish you could just retreat and hide? you know - like a turtle pulls himself into his shell. yep, that is exactly where i am. sitting inside my shell thinking of how different i wish i everything had gone.

i have had a lack of trust in something. and with that came a whole set of struggles that i was starting to cope with. i was learning to how to deal internally with that. then i spoke. yuck!! i believe there is a verse in the Bible about being quick to listen and slow to speak. i guess God is still working on teaching me that, although i think i have learned my lesson this time. slow to speak is most definitely the way i am to go! in the past 36 hours i'd love to erase many of my words, but the damage is done.

i love, okay - well honestly i hate, that it is in the midst of yuckiness God refines me. it is the yuckiness i don't like, but it seems that is how i best learn. sitting inside my shell, retreating. i once was a strong willed, opinionated, confident girl. over the course of the year i have found that i remained opinionated, but lost the confidence. as far as my strong will, i'm undecided as to whether or not that remains.

i'm hoping that when i leave the shell this time, God has refined me. that i will no longer be strong willed or opinionated. as far as confidence, i pray that it will be different sort of confidence.

for many reasons this time of retreat makes me mostly sad. it means the loss of somethings and relationships that i hold so close to my heart and already miss. it also means saying good-bye to parts of me that i thought were good, but obviously are not.

but in the end, God is good. and i pray that God will find good in me and that it will remain. i pray that God will heal those around and that His goodness will remain there.

but, here i sit for now, like a turtle......

Comments

Anonymous said…
Praying for you friend in whatever situation it is...I'm here if you need me..love ya! Tricia
February 18, 2009 at 7:05 PM
TWitmer said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
February 18, 2009 at 7:07 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

me, on politics

i despise politics. i never liked it, but i married a man fascinated with it. a man who wanted to be part of it all...and was, briefly. boy were our eyes opened... anyways...it seems like this election has several hot button topics. one of which is universal healthcare. my cousin started a blog called politics for mom and there have been several heated debates going on. i was reading several comments on healthcare. and frankly i was bothered! now, i don't know that a strict universal healthcare is the answer, but i do know that we have now doesn't work for the average person. here is our story.... hubby worked in a small business - 3 employees at the most that i can remember. we paid 1/2 our insurance..until it came to the point where our half each month was twice what we would pay if we were on our own. but for the owner it saved him money. so he agreed to cover ours in full. we were very grateful. i also know at times, that because of the healthcare cost, it was a struggle f...
9 comments
Read more

the word...

new year.  new decade. new word.  i started the habit of choosing a word almost exactly a decade ago.  each year the word has evolved and helped shape the year. well, this year is quite likely the exception.  or at least i thought it was.  my usual yearly reflection takes me on a journey through the year where the word has evolved into something entirely different than the road i envisioned. and usually i am in awe of how God used that word. this year was strange.  looking back on the goals i set, i see failure, not awe.  now before you go and tell me i am not a failure, i did fail at the goals i set.  truly.  goal 1:  grow and develop in a healthy way.  nope.  ending the year with extra instead of less.  attempted, yet didn't follow through on many health plans.  goal 2:  grow spiritually through meditation, scripture reading, and community.  nope.  ending the year with little reading and loss ...
Post a Comment
Read more

life with izzie b

so i'm out of town right now and this time with my friend izzie b (names have been changed to protect the people we know). we are actually at a conference that is rocking my world, but we are two crazy girls alone in a big city. anyways.....she is a weird person. she likes car rides and she likes to watch the sunrise while riding in the car so we started our trip at 5:30 AM!!! 5:30 AM friends...ugh. but we had a non-eventful trip and honestly it wasn't so bad. i'm weird so i had packed us ham and cheese sandwichs. we stopped several times to get out and walk. we stopped for gas somewhere a bit redneck and they sold mostly fireworks. lots and lots of fireworks. that place also had some kind of super duper blue light hand dryer. it was honestly a bit freaky. then we checked in and found we had a smoking room. it was quite smoky and so we asked for a change. no luck, but the nice lady offered to bring up an odor remover machine while we were at the conference. um....
4 comments
Read more