fight for their heart - don't fight with them...
ouch!! do you know how many times a day i go round and round with mapboy! why? okay, so let me back up here. every time i have a "confrontation" with my child i need to imagine the end. and if i'm imaging the end, then i'm fighting for their heart. so, when we are in the heat of the battle i need to stop and ask myself what the heart issue is. is the issue one of rebellion? is it one of selfishness? is it one of will? is it one of pride??? each one needs to be addressed differently. i can spend all the time i want proving my point or teaching my child to bend to my will because i know best, but do i spend the time to teach them how to make choices? do i teach them how to offer a different opinion respectfully? do i teach them to stop and listen? do i allow them to mess up?
when my child tells me no, my immediate reaction is to go at it with them. how dare they tell me no! but if i stop and go back to the initial request, maybe i just need to teach them how to respond differently. what if they just wanted to offer something different? then, i stop and teach them that saying no isn't appropriate but respectfully offering an opinion and then being willing to accept my answer is.
i know, some of you parents out there might disagree on this one....but if all i do is make my child someone who does whatever i ask, haven't i failed them? while i never dared to tell my father no (although i'm sure i did) i knew that if i wanted to voice a different opinion he would listen. sometimes he would accept my opinion, right or wrong, and let me learn from it. other times he would stick to his guns. BUT because i knew he truly cared about my heart - not just making me obey, i was okay with those times.
we are changed from the inside out - not from following rules. life is much more about a relationship. christianity is more about a relationship with Jesus, than a list of rules to obey. make your relationship with your child a priority....spend time with them and fight for their heart....
ouch!! do you know how many times a day i go round and round with mapboy! why? okay, so let me back up here. every time i have a "confrontation" with my child i need to imagine the end. and if i'm imaging the end, then i'm fighting for their heart. so, when we are in the heat of the battle i need to stop and ask myself what the heart issue is. is the issue one of rebellion? is it one of selfishness? is it one of will? is it one of pride??? each one needs to be addressed differently. i can spend all the time i want proving my point or teaching my child to bend to my will because i know best, but do i spend the time to teach them how to make choices? do i teach them how to offer a different opinion respectfully? do i teach them to stop and listen? do i allow them to mess up?
when my child tells me no, my immediate reaction is to go at it with them. how dare they tell me no! but if i stop and go back to the initial request, maybe i just need to teach them how to respond differently. what if they just wanted to offer something different? then, i stop and teach them that saying no isn't appropriate but respectfully offering an opinion and then being willing to accept my answer is.
i know, some of you parents out there might disagree on this one....but if all i do is make my child someone who does whatever i ask, haven't i failed them? while i never dared to tell my father no (although i'm sure i did) i knew that if i wanted to voice a different opinion he would listen. sometimes he would accept my opinion, right or wrong, and let me learn from it. other times he would stick to his guns. BUT because i knew he truly cared about my heart - not just making me obey, i was okay with those times.
we are changed from the inside out - not from following rules. life is much more about a relationship. christianity is more about a relationship with Jesus, than a list of rules to obey. make your relationship with your child a priority....spend time with them and fight for their heart....
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